An Intangible Pattern

A secret shared.

She was sitting up in bed in the dark, staring at the black mass on the floor. Shadows cast by the trees outside danced across its lustrous back, making it appear to move and shiver. She was frozen in place and could not scream for help, she could only stare in horror. The mass resolved itself into the form of her suitcase but still she stared at it with wide eyes.
Thud!
The suitcase jolted.
Thud! Thud!
It was as though something was inside, trying to get out.
THUD! THUD! THUD!
The case bounced more violently off the floor. She gasped and sat up. She was drenched in sweat and her hair stuck uncomfortably to her face.
Thud! Thud! Thud!
"Alex? Alex, are you alright, love?"
She turned on the lamp on her bedside table and went to the door tripping on the suitcase as she went.
There was a small plump woman with gray streaked hair who she immediately recognised as Norma, one of the counselors. She looked up at her through the crack in the doorway, In her hands was a tray with a tea towel draped over it.
"Oh! You are here! We saw your car but we hadn't seen you at mealtimes the last couple of days, are you alright my dear?"
Alex rubbed her face and tried to speak, but she couldn't force the words past the lump in her throat.
Norma frowned with concern. It wasn't easy to hide what had happened from other residents: they knew the signs too well.
"Come on, let's get you back into bed. Do you think you can eat something?"
Alex nodded and allowed the woman to shepherd her back into her room. The little woman set the tray down on the bedside table and pulled up a chair.
Lifting the tea towel off the tray to reveal a bowl of hearty stew and a bread roll, she began to quietly urge Alex to try a few mouthfuls. Alex hadn't realized how hungry she was. As she ate the warmth seemed to ease the anxiety in her stomach and tears filled her eyes.
Norma noticed, took the empty bowl from her hands and wrapped her in a motherly hug.
"There now, it's alright, you're safe now. You're safe."
Alex's face screwed up and she howled into Norma's embrace. Norma held her until she grew quiet again.
"Do you need me to fetch a nurse?"
"I already took the morning after pill." Norma nodded and wrapped a crotched throw around her. She bustled over to the wash stand and boiled the small kettle Alex kept in her room. As she began to make tea the smell of ginger filled the room.
"Here, drink up."
Alex gratefully took the steaming mug that was offered to her.
"Do you feel ready to talk about it?"
Alex gulped. She hadn't intended on talking about the incident to anyone, but in Norma's patient presence she relayed the events of the wedding.
"... what shocks me most is how little control I had of myself. I didn't want it but I couldn't stop.." she choked. Norma handed her a tissue.
"It isn't your fault, it's called bodily non-concordance. It's when your body reacts in a way that is at odds with your mind. Even Beta's experience it to some degree, but it's far more pronounced in Alpha-omega interactions. Please don't beat yourself up, it doesn't mean you really did want it or that you somehow brought it on yourself."
"I just don't understand... I took a double dose of my suppressant. Why didn't it work?"
Norma sipped thoughtfully from her mug and replied.
"Sometimes... sometimes we come across a mate that is so genetically compatible that the suppressant fails..."
"A fated pair?" Interrupted Alex with a look of disgust. "I don't want to be tied to that man."
"You don't have to if you don't want to. You can report it and have a restraining order put in place so he can't legally come near you."
"...No, I can't."
"Did you know him, Alex?"
"Not exactly, but.. It's complicated and if I say something about it, it will hurt people I care about."
"Maybe, but if they are people you care about, surely they care about you too and wouldn't want you to suffer alone."
"... I know, but I just can't. It's just too big."
"Did he threaten you?"
"No... it was the opposite actually. He offered to turn himself in."
"But you stopped him?"
"Yes... I didn't want to ruin Cat's wedding."
"It sounds like he was genuinely sorry."
"So I should just forgive him?"
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But you also shouldn't have to carry the burden of what happened. What's important is what will make you feel safe?"
Alex stared into her mug. How could she possibly feel safe again? This man was so closely tied to her family now, there was always the chance they would cross paths again. Should she avoid family gatherings for the rest of her life?
"What are my options?"
"In my experience, some go down a legal route for protection... that can sometimes be effective."
Alex nodded, she knew the legal system was broken. Too many Alpha's in high places. The most he would receive was a short sentence, counseling and a restraining order. Her safety would always be reliant on the alpha's compliance with the law.
"...Some choose to stay in a sanitorium for protection." So a severe limitation on her freedom. She would have to give up on any career goals, she could never travel without looking over her shoulder and she wouldn't feel safe in her own home.
"... but most find the attraction to their mate insurmountable. They will form a relationship with them. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it's extremely toxic. It depends on the people in the relationship."
Alex blushed, she couldn't say it aloud, but sometimes when the memories came back she was aroused by them. The way he groaned as he kissed her, as though he had been waiting for her his entire life. The way he looked at her as if she was the most desirable creature that ever existed. She felt trapped in a cycle of feeling pleasure recalling those moments and then loathing herself for it. "How can they stand it?" She whispered.
"Some people believe in fate and it makes it easier to accept it. I assume that is why there are so many romance stories about alphas and omegas. Everyone wants to believe that it could be so easy to find your soulmate. That someone might change. But I can see you don't buy that explanation."
"No, how can I love someone I've never even had a conversation with. What if they turn out to be a complete psycho"
"Quite so. However, whatever you decide, we can support you. You don't have to do this alone, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You do have a choice."
Alex sighed and looked at the suitcase on the floor. She hadn't been able to bring herself to unpack, but it kept drawing her attention like a magnet. She slid down to the floor and unzipped it. The case smelled musty from the bag of wet clothes and she tried not to breathe through her nose.
"I considered burning it." She muttered as she pulled the bag out .It caught on the zipper and the heavily wrinkled clothing tumbled out on the floor. She froze staring at the ruined material.
Norma reached down and picked up the clothing with the remnants of the plastic bag. As she did so a small bottle fell from the inside pocket of Noah's suit, she picked it up and sighed.
"Well, it seems he did tell you the truth." She said softly and held out the bottle for Alex to examine. She could see it was a popular brand of nasal spray to suppress an Alphas reaction to pheromones. It was already half empty. She also noticed the logo of Arthur's company as the manufacturer.
Somehow it made her feel worse; as though to humanize him robbed her of a physical target for her anger and humiliation. She recoiled from the notion that he may be someone bearing a cross similar to her own.
"I'll take this away. I can destroy it for you, but I think you should allow me to store it in case you need it as evidence if you want to press charges. I won't do anything without your consent though." Norma said gently. Alex just nodded in agreement.
"I'll be back in a moment, I'm going to ask the nurse for something to help you sleep. Try to get plenty of rest tonight and I'll come fetch you tomorrow. We can go out for a walk after breakfast. It's not good to stay cooped up in your room for too long." She left the room carrying the tray of food and the abhorrent bundle of clothing. Alex did not necessarily feel better about her situation but she did feel as though something had been lanced from her. The talk with Norma and removal of the physical reminders of the attack had at least broken the sense of immobilization. She began to unpack her suitcase, throwing dirty clothes in the laundry hamper and returning her toiletries to the bathroom. Receipts and pieces of paper were thrown into the waste paper basket and she put her suitcase back in the wardrobe. Shortly after, she heard a rap on the door and Norma entered the room again.
"Here we go, lovely." She held out a little cup with a pill and a glass of water. "It's to help you rest. Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?"
Alex swallowed the pill and chased it with water as she sat on her bed again.
"I'm alright, I'll see you in the morning."
Norma smiled and clicked the latch so it would lock the door behind her.
"Good night, Alex. If you need anything at all just buzz down to the desk and I'll try to come myself. If not, Timothy is on watch tonight, will that be ok?"
"Yes, that's fine. Good night, Norma."
The door clicked as she left.
Alex didn't turn the light off, she lay there staring at the ceiling as she began to feel warm and comfortable and eventually drifted off to sleep.