No, Maybe, Yes.

Chapter 7: The letter.

Mikayla's POV.

The first thing I did as soon as I got home was look for Kellan's letter, it was still there, in my drawer, where I had tossed it.

I retrieved the letter from my drawer and carefully placed it on my bed like it was made of glass, I started pacing the room for some reason.

Guess I wasn't ready to read about how Kellan felt about me.

To me, the old Kellan was still my best friend and the new Kellan was a total stranger.

That letter would erase the friendship that I thought we had, I'd start looking at it as it was, a one sided kind of relationship that I never saw and I don't think I'm ready to let go of what we had.

What I thought we had.

But then again I had to know, I had to know how he felt about me.

I sighed before sitting on my bed and picking up the folded piece of paper.

I unfolded it and my eyes scanned over his hand writing before reading anything, Kellan had a beautiful cursive handwriting, I always teased to say he wrote like a girl.

I took a deep breath and started reading.

Dear Mik,

Yes, I said dear, fucking shut up about it, I didn't know how to start. I can't believe I'm writing you a letter but I couldn't tell you this to your face because I'm a fucking coward so here it goes...

Mik, do you remember those bright flowers that I once put in my mouth because they smelled really good? I remember you started crying because you thought they were poisonous and you kept asking my mum if I was gonna die. I didn't do it because I'm weird, I did it because they smelled like your hair.

You're probably going to cringe at this but fuck it.. I smell your hair every chance I get, especially in the morning when you're still asleep, I like how you always keep your hands busy without even noticing, your hugs are too tight but that makes them everything, my heart does this weird squeeze in my chest whenever you kiss me on the cheek, your laugh always puts a smile on my face, I think about you all the time it's kind of annoying sometimes. I'm sorry I wasn't your first, I probably would have chickened out anyway and I have a feeling that I'm gonna regret that someday but I don't think I'm ready.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I didn't like the french boy or any of the other boys before him, I like having you all to myself and I know that I'll probably never get a chance now that I'm leaving but maybe in our next lives, maybe I won't be such a coward to tell you something like this to your face.

And also, I'm sorry for distancing myself the last couple weeks, I lied when I said I was ok, I'm not okay, Mik, my Mum is dead, I just can't seem to wrap my head around that fact but hey, don't worry, Dr Donovan says it gets better.

I'm not signing this shit.

I smiled at the last words but soon noticed that I had tears rolling down my cheeks, I didn't know why I was crying, his words were not sad, he sounded sweet and detailed.

So unlike Kellan.

I had called his description of a crush weird earlier at the event but those words, in that letter were the best confession I had ever gotten from a boy and I had had some pretty crazy confessions in the past.

I still couldn't believe I never noticed that Kellan liked me like that.

At that point, I knew I couldn't help but question if he still liked me like that, I mean, yes, there was some tension earlier but I swear to God, boys will make you feel like there's something there even though it's all in your head.