Game Of Hearts

Chapter Eight; Unfaithful Indisgretions

The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.
-Cheryl Hughes-

I woke up the next day still feeling a little salty, now I know I have no right to be angry, but her words had cut me deep. what she said was true, no matter how hard he tried Jaiyden would never, and could never love me the way he loved her, so what was the point in us playing happy families?
They would never understand so I never tried to explain it was that simple. Looking at the time I slicked my hair up into a semi neat bun and slipped my feet into my trainers stopping to look at myself in the mirror, finally satisfied I left the house not bothering to say by to my parents; they probably weren't home anyways. I thought about driving to his house but decided against it. I got on the bus and played it all out in my head; who knew one boy could mess me up so much?. I was so into my thoughts I almost missed my stop. Walking up his drive way I smiled to myself and text him:
I'm outside x
A few minutes later the front door opened and he smiled down at me taking in my appearance.
"Come in then" he said standing aside for me to enter. I smirked to myself knowing that he was watching me walk, I didn't even bother sit in the front room instead I made my way straight up to his room. I heard him let out a breath before following me.
I say on his bed whilst he sat in his computer chair staring at me; it was almost as if he was battling himself; Love me or hurt her.

Phoenix:
"Ri, I can't do this with Richy anymore, I feel like I'm fighting myself; I like him and I have love for him but I'm not in love with him" I said sighing as I threw myself down on her bed.
"Nix listen if your heart isn't there then it's better to end it now then to drag it out and hurt yourself and him more" she replied looking up from her revision. I nodded my head knowing she was right. I looked through my phone till I found his name, I hesitated before putting the phone down ; I'll do it later I decided going back to my revision.
Hours had passed and we had both given up on revising. We decided to go meet Shane and Dami in their flat.
"Ri you look fine man lets go" I said laughing at her facial expression.
"Girl bye , don't even start all of that" she said giggling as we walked out to her car. Throughout the journey I had an uneasy feeling like something was going wrong but I shook it off.
"Open up" Ri said banging on their door.
Dami opened the door and kissed his teeth
"Fuck sake Ri man I thought it was the food" he said closing the door behind us. She laughed
"You're to fat man everyday eating take out" she said dodging the pillow he threw at her.
"Shaneyyyyy, your cousin is being mean to me" she said fake whining as she gave him a hug. He smiled and shook his head
"Ri you like trouble man , Dami leave her alone" he said pulling her closer to him as she rested her head on his chest. They were too cute and I was so happy for her.
We were in the middle of watching Olympus has fallen when three phones went off, everyone looked at their phones.
"It's not mine" Ri said. I looked down at my screen and saw a text from Richy❤️:
I love you... You know that init
I looked over at Ri showing her the screen; she looked as confused as I felt. This wasn't Richy he didn't do emotions like that. I noticed how quiet Shane and Dami were as they typed away on their phones I assumed it was group chat. I looked back at my screen ; something wasn't right.
"Ayy Nix your man's on his way still" Dami said watching me. I nodded my head but said nothing, the way Shane was staring at me was making me uncomfortable like he was trying to read my mind. Ri looked at him for a while but said nothing also. There was an awkward silence till Richy arrived. Shane stood at the door talking to him glancing in my direction every so often.
"You alright princess" Richy said kissing my cheek. I froze I knew that scent but I just couldn't place it.
"I'm fine, you" I said moving away from him; I definitely knew that smell. I leaned over to Ri
"I think I'm going mad but I'm so sure he smells like Naeyah" I whispered.
She looked at him for a while
"What no hug nah Richy?" She asked him playfully. He laughed and stood up to hug her; this is why Ri was my best friend she was always down no questions asked. When she pulled away she shook indicating she was sure her head. Maybe I was going crazy, but the vibe in the room was tense. I shook the feeling off and went back to watching the film, I looked up feeling eyes on me to see Richy staring at me; I smiled and looked back at the screen I couldn't do this anymore. I decided to text him but he beat me to it:
Richy❤️:
Babe, we need to talk... x
I thought I'd feel upset but I didn't it was a long time coming, he'd been distant and constantly on his phone smiling from ear to ear; I knew there was someone else but at least have the respect of breaking up with me first. I replied with an 'yeah ok' and continued to watch the film aware that Dami and Shane were looking at me.
He stood up and beckoned for me to follow him, we walked into the spare room and closed the door. He walked up and down whilst I sat on the bed crossed legged, being this close to him made the feminine smell more apparent; it was like she wanted me to know he had been with her. He stopped in front of me and looked down at me with side eyes.
"Look Nix you know I love you init but I fucked up big time and I'm sorry I really am I never wanted to hurt you; I should have called this off before I started this shit please don't hate me" he said in one breath. I sighed I was a little hurt but it's not like I know who the girl is so I shook it off.
"Richy it's fine, I can tell we aren't really the same anymore anyway your feelings are else where and honestly so are mine; I thought I was over it but I'm clearly not" I half whispered. He nodded
"It's Jaiyden init" he stated instead of asked. I nodded slowly. He sighed but said nothing, I looked up at him and semi froze,his eyes were glazed as if he wanted to cry but that's not what caught me, what caught me was the look of pure guilt in them; was I missing something?
He pulled me into a hug and didn't seem like he wanted to let go. I laughed a little wriggling out of his tight hold
"Richy I'm still going to be your friend you know , you're hugging me like we're parting ways for good" I said smiling at him. He looked away from me and sighed before looking back at me with a small smile
"I hope you mean that Nix" he said before walking out. I followed him feeling so lost ; I must be missing something.
*********************************************
Earlier that day....
I smiled as I watched him get dressed muttering to himself occasionally looking back in my direction. I smirked to myself; his pipe game was nothing short of amazing. I felt like I was in another world but I couldn't let the high of good sex take over me at this moment ; there would be plenty other times for that. He sat on the bed and just watched me with a small smirk on his face as I tried but failed to get out of his bed.
"I told you to stop with the slick chat but you thought you was a big girl init" he said laughing. I rolled my eyes at him playfully before finally making it out of his bed. I slipped my clothes back on before saddling him, he raised his eyebrow at me but said nothing. I just sat there staring at him , have you ever slept with someone and suddenly become more attracted to them? I feared that this would happen as I started to notice little things about him like the dimples in his cheeks and the straightness of his teeth. I shook the thoughts from my head and kissed him lightly on the lips whilst rubbing my fingers along his neck smirking to myself, to him I was just stroking his neck but really I had just left his neck smelling like me. At least I knew this wouldn't backfire on me; he loved me and I was slowly starting to like him to
"I really have to go Nae but I'll see you later yeah" he said softly kissing my neck. I nodded as we made our way out of his house together before going separate ways. I smiled as I walked towards my bus stop , my work for the day was done; I knew for a fact that she would recognize the smell as soon as she smelt it.

  As I stepped into the house I noticed it was fairly quiet, shrugging to myself I walked upstairs and into my baby's room smiling as soon as I saw her; if I was grateful for anything in my fucked up life it was her, holding her made everything feel okay. Carrying her into the room that Jaiyden and I shared I sat on the cream rug with her in my arms before sending him a small smile, I felt bad for what I was doing to him but he didn't even care that I knew it wasn't me he loved; if only he loved me. He nodded his head at me but said nothing, I sighed I knew things were going from bad to worse between us I mean he actually tells people I'm his 'baby mum' now instead of his mrs, I hated it but I knew it was my fault, he'd tried but I kept pushing him away yet he still hasn't slept with anyone. I felt like dirt around him, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't find a fault in him and it annoyed me if I could find just one thing bad about him then I wouldn't feel so guilty around him but I just couldn't. Tears slipped down my face I knew this was about more than just rejection from Dami, Arienne and Phoenix made me sick everything about them and their lives was perfect , their parents loved them, boys loved them ; everybody loved them. Then there was me, now don't get me wrong I could have just about anybody it was just never the ones I wanted, as for my parents I might as well be invisible they were still morning the death of their first born, a sister I never knew; the daughter they always wanted. I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind and looked down at my daughter, above everything she was perfect, I never wanted her to end up like me.

"Naeyah"
I looked up at him
"Come sit with me" he said not looking at me. I sighed and sat on the end of the bed. He looked up at me and chuckled.
"Why you sitting all the way over there like you een see me sitting here" he said staring back at his phone. I laughed a little and sat next to him playing with my fingers.
"So what's up with you? I ain't hardly see you no more" he said quietly typing away on his phone
"Nothing really, and I know I guess are schedules just clash" I said  still playing with my fingers. He chuckled
"Nae you ain't tryna fuck with me no more you een gotta lie bout it" he said still typing away. I looked up at him to see him smiling at his phone, I didn't have to think to hard about  who had him smiling like that.
"That's not true Jaiyden" I said to him. His eyes left the phone screen as he raised his eyebrow at me
"So who dat Niqqah is then" he said touching my neck, I froze ; shit I forgot about that.
"Look Jaiyden I can expl..." He cut me off with a laugh
"You aint een gotta worry bout it ma; cos I ain't tryna fuck with you no more neither" he said looking me up and down before returning his attention back to his phone. I felt some type of way about the way he said it like he really couldn't stand me. I tuned back into his conversation as he put the phone to his ear; I heard a female voice.
"Calm down shawty, wassup?" He asked the girl. I couldn't hear what she was saying but she sounded upset about something.
"Shawty I said calm down, imma drop Jaiydeene to her God father and then come through aiyt" he told the girl. I wanted to know who it was that he was so quick to get up and go.
"Tell Ri I said she een even gotta start all that hollering I done dealt with it already" he said looking my way. I felt anger boiling up inside me, all this for Phoenix. I kissed my teeth as he hung up and picked up my daughter.
"I'm taking her to my mums" I said not looking at him. He laughed
"you can be as mad as you want but you een finna tell me what you doing with my baby; she's going to Rae'Quans and I een saying it again" he said. Something in his voice made me give in and hand her over.
"Why is it whenever she calls you go running" I said. He sighed
"Why it matter to you anyway,you fucking and sucking every nigga with a pulse; except me" he replied putting his trainers on. I wanted to say something back but I couldn't; he was right.
"Look I told you i'mma stay with you for your parents sake but you ain't got no feelings over here so you ain't een gotta pretended cos I'm not trippin ; baby girl got my heart end of" he said picking up Jaiydeene and leaving. I was fuming once again I was left alone for one of them.