All these voices in my head get loud
I wish that I could shut them out
I'm sorry that I let you down
Let you down
As soon as he was sure the bathroom door was locked , Vegas let himself fall against the white wall, eyes void and unfocused. It felt like there was an immense weight on his chest, making it hard if not impossible for him to breathe. He kept taking deep breaths, tears started filling his eyes, his throat was hurting and burning, his stomach twisting, and causing him to feel extremely nauseous
Worthless. He was worthless. No one could love him, no one could look up to him, or admire him. He wasn't worthy of any kind of love or admiration.Isn't that the reason everyone leaves him?Slowly grabbing the blade, he removed his hoodie and slide it against his wrist making the blood slowly whooze out
He didn't felt pain, he was feeling numb. He deserves it, papa was always right, he would never be enough.he should kill himself, no one will care anyway.
He keep sliding that blade against his ugly skin , deep, more deep and deeper
There was so much regret inside him, and it was slowly consuming him.
regret is a thing with claws with stingers and sharp teeth it clings onto the throat until no more one can breathe.
I can't do this anymore, He thought as
He sobbed so hard he thought his body
would break with it. He Wanted his body to come apart like a cracked egg, wanted what was left of his soul to drift away
He always wanted to be good enough, a good son, a good husband, a good dad
but Why does he fail God damn everytime? He isn't good enough,
he never was.
he whispered, ''I can't bear it.''
--------
It's been more than one hour of Vegas sitting in the cold shower. Eyes were swollen red from the uncounted hours he had spent crying. Vegas was, moreover, sure that his phone was gone for good under the water.
His frame shivered, jaw clenched. Throat felt scratchy and irritated, Vision blurry, then he noticed that even the blood stopped coming from his cuts but it all still seemed to be overpowered by the voices inside his head those keep asking him to die.
Vegas always felt sacred thinking he will become like his father, this was the reason he stayed away from Venice. He distanced himself yet his body was craving his son touch. He wanted to hold him, he still remember when he first saw venice. His small hands, which he didn't hold. Cause his hands were dirty, dirty with the blood of thousands people
He didn't wanted venice to grow up and learn his father was a murderer and looser. He changed himself, he stop engaging in bloody work. He always engage himself in paper work given by Main Family. He no longer give a damn that he works under main family
The empty house was suffocating for him, it was pete and venice who made this house "home". But now, with them his happiness , his reason for breathing is gone. They no longer need him, and it pained him so much.
After His father death, vegas never believed he deserves love , but pete always thought different. This time he had been so hopeful, because things had seemed so different. He had felt so loved and so wanted. He had believed with all of his soul that Pete was his one true love and it seemed like there was something real between them.
He didn't wanted to be a in world where pete and venice are there but yet far from him. He thought pete would come back soon, for a moment he had a hope venice would grow closer to him.
But today seeing his son also leaving him had smacked him in the face hard with his reality. The reality that no one can stay with him longer, they will leave him at one point.And he sat there all alone, arms limped on either sides of his torso and heavy breathing producing a very light wheezy sound.
His hands hurts from the scars, some old. Some fresh, but he didn't cared about it
All he could care was about the fact that pete and venice left him all alone
Balancing himself with wobbly legs, he could barely stand straight. But somehow, he managed to close the shower and move out of the door. He went to rooftop some how dragging his barely alive body
Vegas Pov
As I stand there, the cold air hits my face taunting me like my father, maybe they are also laughing at my pathetic state
My whole body was shivering due to my wet clothes.The memory of all happened starts to occupy my thoughts.
Pete left
Venice left
Worthless
Unlovable
Deserves to die
I looked down, the height wasn't too much, my guts were screaming to step back, for a second i almost turned back but the loneliness was enough to oppose
one Pete left
second Venice left
Third No one will know if he die
Fourth no one will care
. Start. Again
one Pete left
second Venice left
Third No one will know if he die
Fourth no one will care
one Pete left
second Venice left
Third No one will know if he die
one Pete left
second Venice left
one Pete left
second Ven-
And I did it. I jumped off. The cold air hitting my face as I plummet towards the gravel. Some panicking, some remained still. I heard one man scream. Crashed. The pain jolted throughout my body. It didn't hurt as much as the realisation that I didn't succeed. I was still alive. People started to surround me, some dialing 911 to seek for professional help.
I didn't cared about it, but then i heard a voice again ,it was too familiar.I looked through my blurry vision, it was pete. Pete came back b-but he was crying.No he didn't deserve to cry, i again fucked up but now i will be gone and he h-he will became happy again, only the reason wouldn't be me
"Hold on, you'll be fine". he told me
But
I didn't want to hold on.
and everything went black
Do you want another chapter with pete and vegas ,venice finally living together and everything going on like before? or should i just end the book here.
YOU ARE READING
"Don't hate me more than i hate myself", Vegaspete Fan fiction
Fanfiction"I don't wanna go But baby, we both know This is not our time It's time to say goodbye Until we meet again 'Cause this is not the end It will come a day When we will find our way"
