Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
I spent every moment counting.As if I was reducing my debt.Because of you,
I've found a reason to live. Couldn't be yours,Nor could be mine.I couldn't endure this atrocity of love.My Love, did we complete each other or Were we better off alone. Was everything a dream cause they say dreams turn into nightmare. You made me forget everything,it was like i learnt how to live again. You taught me how to walk.But you didn't warned me, before leaving me and now i have to walk alone.
Vegas opened his eyes, he was feeling light headed. He blink his eyes, looking around the room realising he is bathroom!? He winced in pain when he moved his hand, only realising that he had went unconscious due to amount of blood he lost, that means he is still alive
The reality just made him sobbed harder, he is alive again! It was just a dream, pete didn't came back. He is all alone here in the whole mansion. There was nothing was left for his happiness and maybe the god was too cruel to let him die. The fact that even death don't want him, just made him felt more worthless that he already was.He can spent his whole day begging god to take him before he do it himself, it wasn't enough, the pain he felt wasn't still enough. He need to feel it in his veins, he need to feel the pain. He need to suffer, these small (small!?) blades aren't enough.
He stumbled across the door, with his limping body he went to his father office and suddenly he was back 10 years old, getting beaten first time by his father after his mom died. He thought it will be only once, a bitter chuckle left his mouth.
How much fool he was, even when he was 24 years old, trying to make his father proud, it wasn't enough.
His father is already dead, now he lost all the chance to make his father proud, to show him he isn't useless and worthless. His father was right he is damage goods, no one can love a Monster like him. Every single person he loved had left him, and he pretended he didn't care but inside he was burning with pain.
"ahhhhh " he screamed while punching the wall, his body was too weak to bear more pain. He end up sliding against the wall, sitting on floor with his father's whiskey bottle in his hand. He tried to drink it, but when the bottle touched his lips, he suddenly stopped
"Vegas, are you alright", a worried pete asked while rubbing his face with his gentle hands. Vegas rolled his eyes at pete question, a smile appeard on his face
" You Dare to smile- bastard! ", pete said hitting his shoulder, taking the whiskey from his hands.
" Don't dare to push me away vegas, not after everything we went from. Please talk to me, i want to make it better for you. I love You Vegas ", pete said hugging vegas and vegas could feel all the pain disappearing, a small hug from pete can make his day better, those dimple smile can make him smile, he can listen to pete soft voice all day without getting tired
" it was just a bad day", vegas whispered
" Venice was scared", pete said in soft voice, making sure vegas don't misunderstood. Vegas body stiff, he look at pete with fear in his eyes and pete could feel his heart drop. He rubbed vegas back
"he thought you were hurt, He saw you drinking and came to crying, saying you were hurt. He even asked me to take gun with me, like son like dad. ", pete ended with a low chuckle and vegas shake his head in disbelief.
He saw Venice peeking at them, he opened his arms and Venice ran towards him, hugging him to death.
" dad, are you okay" , he asked kissing vegas forehead. He was just like pete, humble and soft.
"I'm good ,seems like someone was worried", vegas said honestly, poking Venice stomach making him laugh
" haha s.. stop dad!! i will c.. complain Papa ", Venice said laughing hard, pete just look at the duo with a fond smile
" Dad promise me something ", 7 years old Venice asked holding vegas hands
" anything ",
" don't drink this bitter medicine again", he said with a pout on his face, showing his finger for pinky promise
"never again, i promise",
Vegas threw the bottle across the room,watching the glass break into pieces just like himself. He can't break his promise. He can't, he can already imagine his son looking at him with disappointment in his eyes. He just want to be a better person, doesn't he deserves some love too?
"come back to me Pete, hurt me, break everything you want, take everything i own. I don't care, just come back to me. If seeing me hurt makes you happy, I'm ready to be hurt. If i knew this is how i will feel, after you left me Pete. Trust me i would never want a heart in first place ", Vegas whispered to no one...
Once the wrenching, gaping sounds came out of Vegas. He could never outlive it, his guilt.He felt like a Villian, not only he ruined his life, he even snatched a mother figure from Venice.There was no point in trying. he sobbed into the darkness of his hands.
And then the door clicked, and a warm, steady presence appeared beside him. He couldn't touch the pale skin man , but his voice was nearby as it said,
"I'm here.''
Vegas sobbed harder at that. he couldn't stop. As if a dam had burst and only letting the water run its course, raging through him, would suffice.
''Vegas'' ,The person fingers grazed his shoulder.He couldn't bear that touch. The kindness in it.
''Please,'' Vegas said.
Kinn stilled. ''Please what?''
Kinn leaned from him. ''Don't touch me. Don't- don't be kind to me.I don't deserve that",The words were a sobbing, rippling jumble.
"why do you think so",
The list of reasons surged, fighting to get out, to voice themselves, and he let them decide. Let them flow through him, as he whispered, " He left ",
Vegas whispered, " i can't bear it kinn, it hurts. It hurts so much, that i want to rip out my heart",
Kinn said quietly, 'It isn't your fault.'
Vegas shook his head, face still in his hands, as if it'd shield him from kinn, but he said, " Pete didnt left you Vegas, he will come back.I promise you that", kinn said those last few words in a whisper and broken voice.
Kinn know he needs to be strong, at least for Vegas. He still can't tell the anything to anyone, he need to shut his mouth. But The Guilt he is feeling seeing Vegas such broken state just make everything more complicated
''Vegas ", His name was a sigh- as if Kinn was pained. Then his arms were around him, and Vegas was being pulled into hug
" It isn't your fault Vegas, we all need you. Pete needs you, venice needs you, macau needs you and so do we. We don't hate you vegas, we don't. Pete will come back, i promise ", Kinn hand began stroking Vegas hair.The confidence in kinn voice made vegas belive him, and he let himself fall into deep slumber
YOU ARE READING
"Don't hate me more than i hate myself", Vegaspete Fan fiction
Fanfiction"I don't wanna go But baby, we both know This is not our time It's time to say goodbye Until we meet again 'Cause this is not the end It will come a day When we will find our way"
