50 Things I Hate About You

I Hate Listening To Your Arguments With Your Dad

My acceptance that I'd been in denial finally hit me like a freight train as I watched dirt being shoveled over Olivia's casket six feet in the ground.

Many of the guests who'd showed to pay respects had filed out after the service, and the select few that had remained for the burial started to head for the lot once Adam had stood and started to accept condolences from relatives and close family friends.

Mom, as usual, remained strong at my side, the only emotion was in her eyes, hooded and guarded, but no amount of concealing could take away the agony that shone through, misting her eyes over with tears. I loved Olivia-she'd been a second mother to me, but I couldn't even fathom how torn up my mother was about this. She'd known Olivia since they were in grade school, she'd help Mom get out of the abusive relationship with my father, she'd been the reason Mom finally decided to publish Northern Lights.

It was commotion just to the left of me that stirred me from my thoughts. Onyx was in his father's face, shoving hard against his chest and shouting what I could only guess was profanities and insults. Mom touched a flighty hand against my forearm before she started toward the two men, immediately restraining Onyx against her despite him thrashing for a few minutes. Finally, he gave up and sunk into my mother as Adam stalked in the opposite direction.

It wasn't until I'd taken a few steps in their direction that I caught sight of Onyx and saw just how bad he was and halted where I stood.

I'd seen him cry a few times in the seventeen years I'd known him, but nothing like this. His body was ravaging with sobs, shaking both his own and my mother's petite frame as she clutched him to her chest, rubbing his back with one hand as she whispered soothingly, the other wrapped around his shoulders as if she was sure it'd keep him from taking them both to the dewy grass under us.

"Hey." a soft whisper came from behind me, followed by a familiar arm snaking around my own shoulders and pulling me into his embrace.

I wrapped my arms around Mikey's waist and shook my head slowly as tears rolled silently, dampening my cheeks. "This doesn't feel real."

"I know." Mikey raked his fingers through my hair.

I extended an arm out toward my mother and Onyx. "How can she. . . she just act like it's not affecting her? How is she not breaking down like Nyx?"

"People have different ways of grieving, Rory." Mikey breathed. "Your mom is one of the strongest women I know, even if she's hurting, I doubt she'll show it in your company."

"I promised Olivia I'd take care of them." I said through the knot rising in my throat. "She told me my mom would act like this too. She said to not let her fool me, that she'd need me. But I. . . I don't know how to comfort them. I don't know how to do this."

Mikey squeezed my arm and hugged me tighter against him. "Nobody is asking you for a miracle, Rory. You just being there, a shoulder to lean on, will be enough."

"Onyx and I made out last night." I diverted the subject, knowing it'd probably be a while before we got the chance to talk like this again. "Multiple times. I just thought you should know. I know this isn't the time or place to tell you, but I don't want to deal with the interrogation."

Mikey remained quiet for a long time before he finally said, "Then I think you really need to go over there right now. He needs you."

I squeezed my best friend's arm before I made my way to my mother and Onyx, who, as expected, had sunk to their knees in the grass. My mom was cradling Onyx's head against her chest as he sobbed, very audible cries that he was struggling to breathe through. It was as I stopped in front of them I finally saw the tears staining my mother's cheeks. I lowered myself onto the grass and extended a handout to touch my mother's cheek. She rested one of her hands over my own and leaned into the touch. Scooting closer, I laced my fingers through Onyx's and caressed his cheek with my other. I knew there was no use in trying to speak. What could I possibly say that would make this better?