50 Things I Hate About You

I Hate That You're Actually Smart

I could feel the lingering eyes all day, but it took me being under Mikey's arm after school and watching Onyx in conversation with Levi to realize it'd been him they were staring at all day.

Even as our peers spilled out the front doors and into the lot, their eyes found Onyx and they just stared, not even bothering to be subtle about it. By the time he ventured back over to me, Mikey had flashed me a grin and a quick, "I'll see you at work."

I waved and fell into step beside Onyx, his arm already outstretched and waiting for me to slide under it. We headed for the lot in silence, but I had no doubt he was upset. His shoulders were tense, and he hadn't said a word to me since this morning.

"Nyx." I whispered, spinning on my heel once we were ta his car. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, you mean other than the fact that everyone's been staring at me all day?" he snorted. "How much time do you have?"

"They were staring at both of us." I tried my best at a joke. "Because, come on. It's no secret I hated you."

That earned a small smile. "I mean, that was probably part of it."

"It was all of it." I pinched my shirt between my index finger and thumb. "This is a new shirt too, I bet everyone noticed."

He laughed at the comment and leaned forward to kiss me. Even with having done it the last few days, there was something different about doing so in public. I pulled away quickly and squeezed his hand. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good." he lied, averting his gaze to the traffic on the other side of the lot.

I wanted more than anything to be able to take the pain away, but I couldn't. Stepping foot in my house suddenly felt like a chore. Both Nyx and my mother were internalizing everything they felt, and in their wake was a giant, cold elephant prancing around the room.

I knew the more I pried at Onyx the more he'd ice me out and push me away, so I'd stuck to just following suit in whatever it was he wanted to do or talk about.

Mom. Mom had been harder to comfort. Every waking moment of every day she had her face buried in her computer, completely isolating herself from the outside world. It'd gotten to a point I'd had to drag her to the bathroom and force her to shower a few days ago, and the house would undoubtedly be lacking food and electricity if it weren't for me. Monday, as I was helping her undress, was the only time I saw any emotion in her. Her eyes were guarded, but they were rimmed in red and her cheeks were stained with tears, lips so chapped and raw they'd begun to bleed. After she'd finished, I'd ushered her into bed and laid there with her for an hour or so before I'd had to return to my room to check on Onyx.

Olivia had been right in her assumption that both would need me-and they'd both deny this fact.

As I casted a quick look in Onyx's direction now, I felt my fingers curl into a fist on my lap, my shoulders falling forward see how much he was struggling to keep himself composed. He'd become pretty good at it the last couple weeks; that ugly façade thrust in front of him at school and whenever my mother was around. But when I cradled his head against my chest or he held me against him late at night, he let that guard crumble. I was sure that Mikey, Angie, and Levi could see it, but none tried to push him to talk to them.

"Christmas is in a couple weeks." I whispered, breaking the silence. "I know it's. . . I know it isn't going to be the same, but I wanted to still get a tree and everything."

He looked as though he wanted to protest, but instead grasped the steering wheel a little tighter and breathed, "How can you be in a festive mood after what happened?"