An Intangible Pattern

Visiting the sanitorium

Cat messaged Alex that evening to let her know she was coming to visit. Alex stared at the message, uncertain how to respond. She considered making another excuse, but she realized she could not avoid her sister forever. Another ping, and she saw that the situation had grown worse: now Jess wanted to come too. Panic rose in her as she typed, "sounds good see you Thursday night?"

She closed her eyes and tried to slow down her breathing.

Will they be able to tell something's wrong? What if I break down in front of Cat. What if someone says something to her.

Her stomach squirmed with anxiety and she could feel a headache beginning to take hold.

She signed out of the chat and saved the data she had been analyzing. She needed to move her body but she also didn't feel like she could leave the room. She started to clean everything she could get her hands on until she was exhausted enough to sleep.

The following day, to her relief, her period began. Tears of solace rolled down her cheeks as she thought:

He didn't get me pregnant. I'm not carrying his baby. I'm sure I'm not.

She knew she could have a period and still be pregnant and she knew she would still need to take a test to confirm it, but the sight of the spotted tissue seemed to lift a huge weight from her. She went for a walk that morning and found it a little easier to concentrate on her work. By the evening the small spark of optimism that had buoyed her in the first half of the day began to dwindle as her stomach started to cramp and she began to fret about the visit.

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Cat pulled up in front of Jess's flat and beeped her horn. Jess waved at the window and displayed two fingers, indicating she would be there in two minutes. She switched off the radio and waited while Jess locked her door and ran down the concrete staircase to the car.

"Hullo gorgeous!" beamed Jess as she slipped into the passenger seat and secured her seatbelt.

"Hiya! You look nice, new hair do?"

"You like? It's a weave, but I thought I'd try something a bit different this month."

"Yeah it looks great, you really suit a bob."

"And look at you, you definitely got some sunshine."

"Yup, I pretty much lived on the beach in Bali." Cat giggled.

"I'm jealous, it's been non-stop rain here." She adjusted a shopping bag on her lap.

"What's that?" Asked Cat curiously.

"Oh it's just some things I've been meaning to drop off for Rob next time I go to the sanitorium. He borrowed some stuff from a friend. Would it be ok to make a quick stop before we see Alex?"

"Sure, does he live in the sanitorium?"

"Yeah, different building though."

The hour-long drive passed quickly as they chatted about the wedding, Cat's honeymoon and Jess's workday. It was a pleasant day and the city streets gave way to country roads and farm-land. The sanitorium was on a large country estate surrounded by high stone walls and leafy beech and oak trees. They rolled up to the gate and gave their names to the security guard. Once he had confirmed who they were coming to visit, he opened the gate and they drove along past the open swathes of estate farmland and headed toward the village. Not all sanitoriums were as nice as this one; the substantial grounds were on a hill and the open landscape made it feel remote and safe.

It functioned almost like a small town; some of the residents worked the land on the estate; some worked online or made and sold things and others ran small onsite businesses and cafes to serve the residents. There was even a school for the younger omegas and a great deal of the costs were subsidized by grants or charitable donations. Alex had managed to secure a place and paid her rent by working online as a data analyst.