Come Back to Gusu

4. Not a jail cell

For a prison, this quiet little house on the edge of the compound wasn't bad. The name, Weifengshi, suited it very well: gentle breezes breathed through the trees surrounding the house. He much preferred it over a more traditional, dungeon style prison with cold, dank cells, watery gruel and molding food, too thin blankets, chains attached to his wrists or ankles, and the lack of privacy and toilet facilities. He had a small front garden with a solid fence to give him some privacy. And a larger back garden with a meditation trail carefully marked out with white pebbles. In the very back of the garden there was even a burbling brook and a log carefully carved so one could sit down and allow the brook's song to assist in meditation without overly dirtying one's clothing.

He spent many shichen with his skirts tucked up around his belt and his trousers rolled up past his knees walking in the brook looking for fish or sitting on its banks letting the cool water tickle his feet.

The token he left on the table, not sure if it was real or fake. Not sure if Lan Zhan was lying to him about being able to freely leave the Cloud Recesses or if someone was lying to Lan Zhan.

Or... perhaps the token was genuine, and he was only a prisoner in his mind.

Lan Zhan didn't lie: it was against the Rules.

His jailers certainly didn't seem like proper jailers, either. He had a manservant knock politely on his door every morning to clean the house. The man went about his job acting as if Wei WuXian was an outer disciple or honored guest, not a dreaded demonic cultivator. Several times a day junior disciples arrived with meals or snacks; they appeared to be more afraid of him than the manservant was, stuttering and tripping over their legs like newborn horses. (Perhaps it was awe rather than fear?) Jailers should not be afraid of their prisoners. The food was awful, as expected, made edible only by the jar of chili oil that accompanied each meal. There was also a distinct lack of beatings.... Aren't prisoners supposed to be beaten on a regular basis? At the very least, shouldn't they be punishing me for my demonic cultivation?

Instead of being punished, he was serenaded. Technically, Lan Zhan was playing Healing songs to help his body, or Cleansing songs to eliminate yin energy from his meridians. But as there was no Core for them to latch onto? The music was soothing, at least. Sometimes an older junior disciple accompanied Lan WangJi and he was the one performing.

The last song of the day was always the same. If there was a junior disciple, he was sent away before Lan WangJi played it. "This is my favorite piece," Wei WuXian sighed sometime during his third week. He received a wordless hum as a response. In the sixth week, Wei WuXian found a memory creeping into his awareness. "You sang this to me when we were trapped in the Xuanwu of Slaughter's cave, didn't you? You were supposed to tell me the name."

"I did."

"Oh." If you say you did, then you did. "I guess I was too sick to pay attention. You could tell me the name again..." he hinted.

"I could," Lan WangJi agreed pleasantly.

Which for some reason sent Wei WuXian into hysterical laughter. "Lan Zhan! Why does no one believe me when I say you're funny? 'I could'." He chortled for a long while before composing himself. "You wrote it, didn't you? Is that why you won't tell me the name? The song is lovely, but the name is embarrassing?"

"Wei Ying, don't tease."

"There isn't much for me to do here except tease my guests," Wei WuXian responded as lightly as possible. "I've read every book, twice. Found all the pebbles that got knocked off the meditation path and put them back. I've caught five fish. Don't worry, I set them all free. Too small to eat, anyways. Teasing is all I have left."

"Get more books from the library."

Wei WuXian blinked a few times at his friend and chief jailer. "You say that like it's possible."

"Wei Ying is not a prisoner. Can leave this house as he pleases. Can leave Cloud Recesses as he pleases."

Wei WuXian frowned. "Don't tease, Lan Zhan. Not about my freedom. Tease me about anything else, but not that."

"Not teasing."

"I can just... get up and walk away? Go home to Lotus Pier? Go to Caiyi and get drunk?" Prisoners aren't allowed to leave as they please. Or... are my executioners waiting for me to leave? Would that make it more plausible? Less of an execution, more of an accident? I leave Cloud Recesses and there's 'accidentally' a rock slide that takes me with it? Or I'm crossing a high bridge and it 'accidentally' breaks? Or some yao overpowers me before their cultivators can get to it?

"Please don't drink alcohol. Your body is not healed enough. Wait until your Core is functioning normally again, so it can help you process liquor."

"My Core?" Wei WuXian wasn't sure if his eyes were watering from laughter or anguish. "My Core is never going to handle anything again."

Lan WangJi frowned. "Wei Ying is no longer using yin energy. Once your body is healthy, you can meditate again and clean up your spiritual pathways. Your Core will reject the remaining yin energy."

"Yin energy damages the body and soul... you kept saying that during the war. And now you think...." He laughed at the emotional pain stabbing him right in his empty lower dantian. "My Core will never recover. I will remain a demonic cultivator for the rest of my life. I can't go back to using spiritual energy."

"You don't know that." Lan Zhan's golden eyes seemed to flash with fury. "With meditation and hard work...."

"Lan Zhan. Stop. I will never be able to use spiritual energy again. Or do you think you understand the price I paid better than I do?" He firmed his voice, let his own anger and frustration show. "I made my decisions, knowing all the consequences of my actions. You only look at the results and question me? Tell me I don't know exactly what I have done to myself?" He slumped, exhausted both in mind and body. "Please leave."

~*~

He must be really upset with me. It was raining out, making Wei WuXian's mood even more sour. The rain here wasn't like it was in Lotus Pier, where the rain hitting the ponds was a soothing melody. Here it just made everything smell muddy and earthy... like freshly dug graves. For the past four days, only a junior disciple came to play the healing songs. I don't care if you're upset, Lan Zhan. He gave himself a firm mental pat on the shoulder. You think you know everything. You act like you know everything. The Great HanGuang-Jun and the Quest for Perfection. I bet someone will write that book about you. Poor students who will have to read it! They'll write about how strong you are and how morally straight you are. So kind that you even tried to heal a demonic cultivator you had taken prisoner. The rain was coming down harder now: in sheets almost, graying out his back garden. Puddles formed in his meditation path, pushing the white rocks out of alignment. Puddles formed in the grass. "Poor worms are probably drowning out there. The birds will be feasting once the rain lets up again. Imagine if the 'no killing in Cloud Recesses' was forced onto the animals here." He laughed, holding his hand out to be rained on. "They'd all starve to death. Creatures are made to eat meat. I'm a creature. I'm made to eat meat."

He'd started dreaming of food, in amongst the more gorier nightmares. Crackling duck skin. Dumplings and buns overflowing with pork or beef. Fish head soup. Roasted pheasant and chicken. Meat soups of all kinds. Stir-frys and sauces so spicy his tongue tingled in remembrance for days. The chili oil helped make the food here edible. There was a world of difference between food cooked with spices and food with spices dumped on top. I miss Shijie's soup. I miss her peeling lotus seeds for me. I miss fooling around with Jiang Cheng. I miss teaching my shidi's how to use their swords and bows.

I miss Lotus Pier. I miss my home. He looked at the jade token, untouched since the day Lan WangJi placed it there (well, untouched except for when the manservant moved it when dusting the table). Lan Zhan doesn't lie. So... I can leave? Am I a prisoner here or not?

Am I imprisoning myself?