Come Back to Gusu

20. Wei Ying... stop talking

His outfit for the wedding was far more practical: a deep, rich, brown silk under robe embroidered in silver, and dark purple over robes embroidered in matching brown and silver. His guan was a simple silver circlet with a hairpin holding a single amethyst. It was elegant and understated, and, far more importantly, the sleeves were a manageable length.

Jiang YanLi was, of course, absolutely beautiful in red and gold.

Lan WangJi was breathtaking in white inner robes and a bright blue outer robe patterned with clouds. Wei WuXian wasn't sure if his heart actually skipped a beat at seeing his friend dressed up so regally, or if it was just his imagination.

The wedding went smoothly; the peacock smiled like an idiot the whole time, so apparently he knew he was marrying far above his station. Jin GuangShan stayed silent, so apparently he knew he was not going to change his son's mind. Jin GuangYao smiled his oily smile except when he looked at one of the women when his obsequious look turned to adoration; so apparently he had someone he admired.

Wei WuXian wanted to be happy for his martial sister, and sister of his heart, but... Jiang Shushu should be there. ShiJie shouldn't just have Jiang Cheng as her family.

"Wei Ying," Lan WangJi was suddenly at his side, sounding concerned.

"It's fine, Lan Zhan. I was just thinking it's too sad that ShiJie doesn't have her family there."

"Not Wei Ying's fault."

The younger man laughed softly. "I know. You've made me understand I'm not to blame for Lotus Pier burning. I can still be sad, though, right?"

"At least Jiang YanLi still has her brother," Lan WangJi stated.

At least she still has him, he agreed silently. I won't even have that much. It hit him, then, that he really would have no one with him at his own wedding. No parents. No siblings. No extended relatives. My wife will have no one to bow to. No one to serve tea to. No one. Between Lotus Pier and Cloud Recesses, he had over one hundred shidi and shimei. He had friends and acquaintances of all sorts. Two people who were as close and as loved as siblings. Lan Zhan. But no family. Not a single person who walked the world claimed Wei WuXian as family.

It was too much. He had so much and at the same time.... He had nothing.

No family.

No Core.

He didn't even have his own home. A room in Lotus Pier. A house in Cloud Recesses. Both lent to him. But not his....

All that truly belonged to him could fit in each hand: Suibian and the Yin Tiger Seal.

Even his wife wasn't going to be his to choose. Jiang Cheng or ShiJie would look at the available girls and find one that was the best match for the Sect.

It was exactly what he had been prepared for, taught to expect, and yet.... Right now... in this moment... it wasn't anything he wanted. Seeing his shijie marrying the man she loved who loved her in return made his stomach ache with wanting and jealousy. I want to love my wife, or at least like her! I want her to love me back. I want that love to be the reason we make our bows. I don't want to be a pawn for a sect I'm not responsible for.

The memory of an old dream flew into his head: a small farm that was all his. Big enough to feed a small family but not too big. Lan Zhan keeping the house clean (because one of them was the clean one and one of them was quite messy, and they both knew which was which). Night hunting as they pleased. Fishing (and playing in the nearby river) when the heat of the day got too oppressive for weeding or harvesting. They'd have to hire a farmhand or two to help while they were hunting; maybe they could take in a couple of teens.... Maybe orphans.... They could be father figures to the young ones; teach them how to grow into respected adults.