Come Back to Gusu

17. Four days

Someone was screaming. They really should shut them up, Wei WuXian mused and resisted leaving the darkness that surrounded his mind. He was calm here. No pain here. No screaming here. Is it me? Am I the one screaming?

Memories filtered into the darkness. He and Lan WangJi had sat in lotus pose, knees touching. They had entered into a deep meditative trance. And then pushed their qi into the other. Encased in the comforting darkness, Wei WuXian probed his body. No Core. It didn't work.

~*~

Wen Qing placed Wei WuXian's wrist back on the bed. "He will wake within the day."

"Four days." Lan WangJi was angry. Scared. I did this to him. I hurt him so much he mentally retreated from us for four days! While I felt... nothing. He didn't have sufficient qi to affect me.

She frowned at the anger. "I told you before this started that it was going to be the most pain you had ever experienced. He was in a trance when it hit. It makes sense to stay there where there's no pain and just let the body heal.

"It wasn't a waste. I have an idea of what happened. Or rather why nothing happened. Next month, you will have to play Cleansing to eradicate every bit of demonic energy from his dantians. It will probably help to have destroyed that Tiger Seal." She glared at its heavily warded qiankun pouch. "It exudes demonic energy even under every bit of restricting talisman he knew how to create. His body absorbs it, just like a piece of cloth absorbs water."

"Leave it in Cloud Recesses."

She hmmed, thinking. "That might be a possibility. I think that returning to Cloud Recesses, and being once again in its presence would erase any progress we make here. No." She stood up. "It needs to be destroyed or completely sealed before we continue. I have other work to do. I will be back later."

Destroy the Yin Tiger Seal. Lan WangJi Sat on the floor near his friend's head and wondered what that would do. Will it kill him? Can he even destroy it? Remembering how interested in that device the Jin sect leader had been made him want to agree with the doctor. If we destroy it, Jin GuangShan will never get a hold of it. Which is obviously a good and desirable result. Jin GuangShan being able to control the dead? He shivered. If we destroy it, and can't dual cultivate our way into giving you a new Core, that will be quite bad for you. No longer having access to the device that makes you more powerful than any normal cultivator? You're not powerless without it. Just.... Power in the hands of a man who wields it for good purposes should be protected. As power in the hands of a man who wields it only for his own good should be disallowed.

It felt weird thinking this way. He had been taught since childhood that demonic energy was bad. That people who tried to use demonic energy were also bad.

Wei Ying wasn't bad.

So were the Rules wrong? Or in need of adjustment?

'Who decides what is right and what is wrong?' Wei Ying's question upended everything Lan WangJi knew about his Sect's Rules.

Stealing is wrong. Stealing from the dead is wrong. Stealing from the dead in order to live? How can that be wrong?

Killing is wrong. Killing in war is necessary. So is war wrong? Or is killing our enemy wrong? How can war be wrong when it is people rising up against a brutal dictator?

Killing animals for food and eating meat is forbidden. And yet we have foraging hunts where our children learn how to trap animals and cook them in addition to learning how to identify edible plants. When separated from the group or lost, we prioritize eating to survive, not maintaining a strictly vegetarian diet. We also do not punish disciples who eat meat outside of our walls. And our healers give bone broth to sick people.

"'Who decides what is right and what is wrong?'" he recited quietly. "Right and wrong can mean nothing without context?" He caressed his friend's slack face. "The same action can be both right and wrong depending on the circumstances? Even absolutes have shades of gray to them? Nothing is strictly black and white?" He let his fingers trail across pale lips.

He burned for more. To touch, to taste. Wei Ying was gone far into his mind; he would never know if Lan WangJi took liberties. Am I a monster, Wei Ying? That I want you like this? Those books I bought in Yunmeng? They show men can want other men. They claim it's normal for men to want other men. It's normal for men to want to tie up their lovers and force them to submit.

I would like to try dual cultivating with you the way I learned it as a student. I want to shove my qi and my cock into your body until you're screaming and you're not sure if it's pain or pleasure or both. Would you like that? Would you prefer that? Wen Daifu told me that she would search for female cultivators with a strong Core in case you decided you wanted to try that.

I'm selfish, Wei Ying. I really, really, really want to tell her 'no'. Tell her that you'd do it with me, not some woman. He picked up his friend's lax hand. I want to be the only one you hold hands with ever again. I want your hand in mine for the rest of our lives. If you ever do want to be with a woman? I'll... I don't know what I'd do. Want to kill her, I suppose. Drown in jealousy. I don't know how I would be if you.... Please don't. Please just... be with me. Just me.

"Lan Zhan?" Wei WuXian's voice was weak and barely audible. "It didn't work."

~*~

They quarreled, because of course they quarreled, about repeating dual cultivation. About cleansing. About the Yin Tiger Seal.

The second month, they left the Seal with Lan XiChen before heading to the Wen's home. Lan WangJi played Cleansing until he was certain he'd chased every bit of demonic energy from his friend's body.

It failed again.

~*~

Wei WuXian worked hard to develop a container to store the Yin Tiger Seal in. He needed something that was locked to himself only in addition to it not leaking any resentful energy. Lan XiChen again kept the Seal, now sealed. Lan WangJi again Cleansed Wei WuXian of demonic energy.

It failed again.

Dear readers.

It appears that the rainy season has begun. Yesterday morning, the sky was a bright blue. Today it's rainy and windy. The color-changed leaves are losing their grip and falling, gently, to the ground; the still green ones are clinging to their branches for dear life. Which sounds like a metaphor for something. Not sure what.

The rain falling steadily outside my window makes it feel like a good day for tea. I was at the grocery store the other day and found a vanilla-almond one. After I upload this chapter, I'm going to start my electric kettle and make myself a cuppa. Yummmm.

I'd be drinking tea even if the sky was clear, though.... It's getting cold here, so I warm myself with hot tea all day.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you for reading.
- Aitch.