meet again (stan x kyle)

11 (803 words)

⚠️TW:  THE FOLLOWING PARTS MENTION EATING DISORDERS⚠️

Stan's pov

"I love you too, dude." I smiled.

-

Kyle's pov

Some things my therapist always told me about eating disorders:

- Don't force yourself to recover. You can make it worse.
- Try to stay out of touch with things about eating disorders; books about eds or shows/movies.
- You'll never fully recover from it.
- When you recovered you'll still feel the same way as when you had it. Still the same depressed person.
- Food is scary
Etc

But therapy never really worked for me. I'm still never eating and sticking fingers in my throat.

People around me worried a lot and people at school - like Eric - mocked me because of it.

I never got sent to a psychiatric. I'm happy about that because I heard that it's traumatising.

My mom actually didn't allow me to go to college, but I kept telling her I'm fine and that I'll eat enough and stuff. But I never eat. Of course I ate something. But not much. I'm not really joining on meal times. Stan asked me things about it. Kenny already knows about my eating problem. He can't really help me cause if he just says 'eat please. For me,' it won't work.

I've tried to recover many times, but I just can't. I just see many other people with their 'perfect' bodies. And god, did I wish I had Stan's body.

I actually think I'm in love with Stan. Like actually in love. But he won't like me back. Only if he just told me who the boy he likes. I can help him with that.

"Kyle, you wanna go out and eat something?" Stan asked me. Shit. Food. It's weird if I say no cause, then he'll think that I'm weird and that I don't want to do things with him. I nodded and fake smiled. "Sure, why not." I said happily. He smiled back. As soon as he turned his face, my smile droppen.

-Time skip-

Me and Stan sat at a table and talked for a bit when a waiter came.

"So what can I get for you two boy?" He asked us. "Uhh I'll have a coke and some fries and chicken." Stan told the waiter. He nodded and wrote everything down. Stan looked at me and smiled. He had a little blush on his face.

"And what can I get for you?" He asked me. I felt a lump in my throat. I couldn't speak anymore and everything at the menu was shaking. Stan gave me a quick glance. "He'll have the same." Stan smiled at the waiter. The waiter nodded and walked away.

I felt a tear rolling down my cheek and I wiped it away.

"Are you okay?" Stan asked me. "Yes." I mumbled. "You don't seem fine. Tell me what's up." Stan told me as he gave me a comforting look. I just can't tell him.

"Just a axienty attack. I'm afraid of public speaking." I told him smiling a bit. That wasn't a lie entirely. Just a bit. Just not the background information. "I'm sorry." Stan told me. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Stan." I told him smiling. He licked his lip and smiled.

We waited for out food.

"Here is the food. Enjoy your food!". We smiled at the service.

I looked at my food. I heard things echoing in ny ear. Don't eat that  it's disgusting. Stop. Don't. Don't eat that you'll get fat. Pig.

I blinked away my tears. I looked at Stan's plate and it was half eaten. I haven't even touched it.

But what if I just try it. I cant just starve completely tomorrow.

I looked some fries and stuffed it in my mouth. And I just kept eating I just couldn't stop myself. I haven't done this in years. And it feels so good. And so fucking bad too. I finished it before Stan.

"You were hungry." Stan laughed. I blinked. I was hungry. I ate too much. He probably thinks I'm fat now. I looked at my plate and it was completely empty. My full plate with 29 fries and 4 chickens. I ate it all. Oh god. I just did.

I felt really nauseous. I can't do this anymore. I ran to the toilet completely forgetting I was with Stan. I ran to a stall and kneeled down.

I looked at the toilet expecting it to say something like. Go on stick those fingers inside your throat. It's not that hard.

I felt tears streaming down my cheek.  I couldn't care less. I just sticked two fingers inside my throat deep enough for me to throw my whole meal up. I heard someone calling my name.

"Kyle.. Wh- Wat happened?" He aksed me while I heard his voice break.

Shit.

-

HIYAAA IM BACKK

Sorry for not writing for so long but I was dealing with alot of stress and personal problems AND i got covid and was litteraly dying. This chapter was really hard for me to write because I struggled with a eating disorder myself and I'm still recovering. If you're struggling with a eating disorder yourself try to get help as soon as possible so you don't get send immediately to a psychiatric cause I almost did. Anyway. Hope you have a great day/enening. It's 02:49 am for me so I'm gunna sleep.

-Byee
Ps: I'm gunna write again tum