22 - The Feeling of Love

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Payal

"I will be late! Damnit!" I cursed under my breath as I nearly burnt my hand with my cooking. Even after living one-third of my life alone, I hardly managed to not burn my little kitchen with my very questionable skills.

Stuffing the hot chow mein inside my mouth until it burnt like my finger, I could only wonder for a second that my cooking is not too bad before throwing it up. "So fucking hot."

I bit my tongue, chugging down the water. This time, I took some time for it to cool down before gobbling it up on a go and packing the rest of it in two lunch boxes.

This morning, I searched my entire apartment to find the second lunch box. I wanted to thank Siddharth for his help. Honestly, I always feel like I became his biggest burden. So, today, I decided to prepare a lunchbox for him to show my gratitude, hoping he sees my love behind it.

"This isn't too obvious, right? This..." I thought in my head while putting a note inside, packing it up with a ribbon and putting it in a designated lunch bag that reminds me of my old days.

I nearly left the bag in the kitchen due to my uneasiness. But my eyes couldn't leave the beautiful bag and the effort I put into it. I wouldn't even have cooked chowmein if not for him.

"Whatever... Won't he consider my thoughts behind this?" I picked it up and rushed out, not before taking my bag and stuffing my lunch box in it just to make it look like it would burst out now.

Siddharth. His thoughts were making me restless. I feel like my mind is blocked whatsoever. I couldn't help but think of how he felt all those years when he loved me like crazy. I wasn't oblivious to his feelings.

Right from that day in the boy's hostel, I noticed him everywhere. Coincidence? It wasn't. I always saw him seeing me, looking from afar. Those little interactions, exchanging smiles, sharing kind gestures, sending gifts to each other's dorms turned into something I never imagined.

He confessed to me and I became scared. Scared to fall in love. Scared to experience that dating luxury - what they would call, the boyfriend-girlfriend culture. Scared enough to fasten my shoelaces and run away like a little bunny. Then he left.

After that, I would see Shruti waiting in the lobby every weekend when Abhiraj would come to visit her. In those sweet moments of watching them, I thought about him. I didn't regret my decision because I knew that love wasn't my priority at that point of my life but I couldn't help but think of what if I could undo my choice, what would my life be like.

My heart is racing now like that day in the fest. Is this what he felt like? Like the adrenaline rushed through my chilling body. And strangely enough, even more than the weight of the situation, the weight of the lunch bag felt heavier on my shoulders.

"Payal, are you going to your work?" I heard the voice of the next door grandma and turned to greet her.

"Ah, Yes. Did you sleep well?" She nodded in response. The next moment, I noticed her peeking like a curious parrot, trying to see the door and then she saw the lock and her face turned into a frown.

"Is there something?" I knew it but I pretended to not.

"Your husband... Where is he?" There it was. I had my plans up my sleeve.

"He went to visit his mother. She is sick so she asked if he can come and see her."

"Oh... I hope she is fine." I nodded in agreement.

"Payal! Are you going now?" Tarun interrupted as he walked over to us with a woman standing behind him, supposedly his wife. He turned to her and said, "I told you about the new employees right? She is one of them, Payal." He then looked at me to say, "Here's my wife-"

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