touching the prohibited : scaramouche

mess that you made me

twenty six
godforsaken mess
that you made me.

Y/N!
the next few days was unbearable for me — and god, i hate drunk texting. and it's not even just that! i made him pick me up and then ran home when i first caught glimpse of his annoying indigo hair while he chased me down. note that i was on my feet the entire time, with my heels in my hands.

"I swear, I'll never drink again!" I declared dramatically, recounting the events to Lumine and Hu Tao.

Lumine, seemingly unimpressed, rolled her eyes while nonchalantly filing her nails. "You've said that a hundred times before."

hu tao could only laugh at us. i shook my head faster than i ever could, disapproving at what lumine is saying. "no! this time, i promise i will never even touch a glass of wine, or champagne, or alcohol! or whatever the difference is!"

i found myself breaking the promise when hu tao suddenly pulled out multiple bottles of soju from her bag. and just like any college students would, we drank.

my resolve was tested once again when girl hu tao decided to invite some of her blockmates in our dorm! and i swear i should've just grabbed her hair and threw her in the balcony when i saw the familiar man i have been avoiding for days now.

"hu tao what the hell?" i mouthed. Ignoring my plea, she continued ushering them inside, infuriating me.

Turning to Lumine for defense, I was met with indifference as she focused on a bottle of soju. I couldn't believe she was ignoring me, and I vowed to remember her betrayal forever.

As Hu Tao and her blockmates settled into a circle, including us, the indigo-haired man ominously chose to sit next to me. i gave him a glare while he just mouthed 'what?' and grinned.

i couldn't have myself getting mad! it would ruin my image in school. hello? who isn't a people pleaser nowadays? So, I sat there, plastering a smile on my face as we all continued to drink.

"miss me?" the first question he asked me today. it was a whisper, quiet enough for only the both of us to hear.

a few seconds later, the second question was asked. "aww are you just going to ignore me all night?" i chose to be quiet for all the snarky remarks he made as the other students hit it off with lumine.  i wasn't in the mood to communicate, i didn't want to cause a scene either.

"oh did you make sure to wash your feet properly that day? you know? with soap and shit?" i wanted to punch him. that was the sixth question he has posed tonight. and it was also my 13th reason.

i walked out of the room, completely ignoring the fact that i was on my pajamas. yet i was still bothered to at least make an excuse — i needed to maintain my image of a "good girl". that was the primary reason why i got into this position anyway.

i didn't really know why. the reason i couldn't explain in my own words why i was so upset with him, was because i didn't know myself.

scaramouche had a bad image in school. they exclaimed that he was the meanest person they've met. they said that he hated everyone around him. yet i enjoyed his presence. in a world full of dull men, raiden scaramouche was real. and i swear i have called every saint i know off when he asked me to be his fake girlfriend for whatever reason.

but why did i cry when he left? why did it hurt?

i despised that my lips will automatically curve into a smile whenever my eyes landed on him. i despised how he was always there when i needed him. i despised how even on my drunk state he was all i could think about. it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i think about is you.

yet i hated him. i hated how he suddenly abandoned me when he finally got what he wanted — whatever that is.

"y/n" and suddenly, the oh-so familiar voice was here again.