A Second Chance

Chapter 1 - Quitting

"No i can't do it to myself anymore, I'm falling deeper and deeper and for once I'm putting myself first" I shout before taking a deep breath.

I put both hands on the table and push myself to stand up, "cut the contract, I'm done". I walk out of the room and straight out of the doors without even looking back in the fear i would regret my decision.

I jump in my car and begin to drive away from the place i had called my home for the last 3 years, recent news headlines clouding my head again.

Sheffield Superstar hits an all time low
Lost it already?
21 years old going on 31?

I turn up my music to drown out the thoughts racing through my mind and begin the 3 hour journey to home, my real home.

I grew up in a small town in the countryside just outside of Reading with my mum, dad and sister Sophia who is two years younger than me, we are the picture perfect family really. Just the four of us and our golden Lab Benji. We were a close family and did everything together before I moved up to Sheffield at 16. It was tough to leave them all behind but i needed to do it to pursue what i loved, football.

I had played centre mid for as long as I can remember, I enjoy playing more of an attacking centre mid role, creating chances and scoring goals for my team.
For as long as i can remember football was all I cared about, I was kicking a ball before i could walk and my first word was 'goal', I was destined to play football.

Or so i thought.

After an amazing 5 years something stopped clicking and i just couldn't do it anymore.
Every ball passed through to me on goal I fumbled and lost.
Every ball i passed through into the box got intercepted.
I couldn't get the ball past anyone on the pitch and my playing time started to get less and less until I was just used as a bench warmer.

Most days I didn't even have the energy to pull myself out of bed, I had gone from loving football to hating it.

My team mates had tried so hard to get my spark back in the beginning but as I got more and more tired they started giving up on me, like i was giving up on myself. Smiles and hugs to greet each other in the morning turned into eye brow raises and a small nod of the head as we passed in corridors, I was left out of any important meetings to do with upcoming games and my invites to team building days and gatherings started to get 'lost in the post'. I felt like a stranger to my own team mates. I had enough and knew i had to get out of there.

Football wasn't something I loved anymore, I wasn't sure if it was something I would ever love again and it breaks my heart to think that.

Quitting football was a decision that wasn't made lightly.
After many phone calls with my mum and dad, and endless nights of tears and no sleep I couldn't go on any longer. I knew the decision i was going to have to make.

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After what felt like the longest three hours I had finally made it home, i pulled into the drive of my childhood home and took a deep breath before getting out of the car and making my way to the door.

I rang the doorbell and took a step back, I lifted my head back to look at the stars in the sky above me before the door swung open revealing my worried looking mum on the other side.

She swiftly pulled me in for a hug, a hug I knew I needed. As soon as her arms wrapped around me my knee's buckled and I fell to the ground, the breakdown I had been holding in finally broke through.

My mum pulled me into the front room, shutting the cold outside, and sat us down on the sofa opposite the burning fire. I lead down in my mums lap as the tears carried on flowing, she ran her hand through my hair and reassuringly rubbed my back.

After ten minutes you began to calm down a bit and steadied your breathing before sitting up and looking at your mum for the first time since getting home, she offered a sympathetic smile waiting for you to speak first.

You wipe the tears away and let out a shakey breath before saying "I couldn't stay there any longer mum, I quit and came straight home. I don't know what's happening to me".

She wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into her side, before offering her advice "nothing is happening to you, it's just a bump in the road. Everyone experiences these at least once in their life, and you will come back from this stronger. You just need time to work on yourself and get your head in the right headspace, not only do you have to be physically healthy but also mentally healthy. What goes on in your head also affects you on the outside too".

You sit there and take in your mums advice before letting out a breath you didn't realise you had been holding. Your mum pulls you to your feet and gives you another big hug before saying "come on let's get you up to bed it's been a long day. Dad and Sophia are out tonight so you can come sleep in my bed like you used to when you were 5".

You smile at the memories and follow your mum upstairs to get ready for bed, not knowing what the next couple of years we're going to hold for you.

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