The State of Grace

NINE

Grace

It's been two months since the news of Xavier's escape. Some delusional part of me hoped he would search the world for me. I wanted him to find me, to let me apologise for everything I did to him.

I want him to know about our baby girl, that isn't really something you spring on someone. 'Hey I was pregnant and you're a dad but she's actually dead'. It isn't the best way to meet someone again.

If I do ever see him again, I don't really know how too broach that topic of conversation. I don't know if I would tell him right away, or if it would be something that I would built up to.

I couldn't spring that on someone.

It was late august now; the weather was no longer at its hottest. That didn't mean I didn't enjoy sitting outside by the pool all day. In fact I craved it, sitting outside reading all day. It was the good life, I hadn't seen Gia today just yet which was strange. She usually got up pretty early to feed Steve.

Her stupid cat.

This cat hated me with all it had. I never once did anything to this cat, I fed him and gave him love but he still hated me.

"Where's your mommy steve?" I ask the meowing cat that stood by my side. He only ever came to me when Gia wasn't around, I was like the other woman.

I stand up and make my way into the house, it was a beautiful home. Made with old stone, it looked like something from a movie or an old painting. The kitchen was quiet, in fact the entire house was silent. This was strange, I head towards the stairs when noise finally fills my ears.

Not a good noise.

It was the sound of Gia throwing up all her insides. I slowly make my way to her bedroom door before knocking lightly.

"G?" I call out "Do you need help?"

"Don't come in!" I hear her call out.

Gia was a mother. That was the only way to explain her, she never wanted anyone to do anything for her. But she would give me the world at the drop of a hat. I knew she was sick and would need looking after, I also knew attempting to let her look after me would be a whole other issue.

I don't listen to her and I open the door, the house was too old to have locks on. Well good ones at least. I walk through her bedroom to the en suite, she was sat with her head over the toilet, her entire body was shaking.

She looked freezing cold with sweat beading down her forehead.

"Oh Gia" I sigh, I grab her hair that is all over the place and quickly place it in a low bun out of her face. For a woman of her age she will always be a boujee bitch. "How long have you been throwing up?"

"Only an hour"

I roll my eyes at her response, she was such a mother it hurt me. She was the best woman I had ever met, but my god was she a pain in my ass sometimes.

"I'm going to get your new pyjamas, a sick bowl and some water" I tell her "I will feed Steve, then you're going to sit in bed all day"

I had to mother her right now.

I spend the next forty minutes attempting to find everything to make her better. Even if it meant I would have to go into town, she had this soup she made whenever I was sick. Even if it was mentally unwell, which was a lot after losing our baby girl.

She had taught me how to make it many times, I think I did a great replica. The only issue was I was missing ingredients. I slip back into her bedroom as I look at Gia cuddled up with Steve on the bed. She looked awful, I knew she wasn't feeling her best.

"G" I call out as I enter, I watch her eyes open and look over at me. She had dark circles around her eyes, I couldn't help but feel bad for her. "I was going to make soup, but we're missing some bits so I'll head down into town. Do you want anything else?" I ask her.

She shakes her head before ensuring she must write a list for the soup so I don't forget anything.

I loved her so much, but this woman did like to helicopter parent sometimes. She had to ensure I was completely safe, I wasn't going to mess anything up.

Just like she was my real mother.

~~

It had been weeks since I had come into town. I rarely ever came without Gia, my Italian was still
not great. I could get by, but overall I was pretty useless no matter how much Gia taught me.

Firstly I head to the local supermarket. I grabbed all the things I needed, it did make me think why I didn't do this more often. I should come out it would be better for me, better for my mental health. I struggled badly with depression after the birth, I hated everything and everyone. I blamed myself for nearly everything that had gone wrong.

Gia made things easier, she always did.

She was the light in the dark, she was everything I had ever needed in my life. I guess I had never been close with my mother, they didn't even care when I disappeared. I think a funeral was held pretty fast. They believed me to be dead, they didn't even try to look.

I was always a nuisance in their life.

My legs carry me down the streets, I wore a summer dress once again. This weather made me feel like I was in a folk song. I always felt happier when I was dressed up, like I had more of a purpose.

I stop at a flower market, Gia loved peonies so I had to get her some. My fingers run along the petals as I lift one up to my nose to smell the flowers. As I do I feel a figure come up behind me, I could see anything as they were behind me but I could feel they were big. 

A big man.

I feel my entire body tense up as I feel the man lean down before his lips become level with my ear.

"Dolcezza"