The State of Grace

FIFTEEN

Xavier

It felt strange being stood at a grave, a grave of my daughter. The daughter I never met, the child I never knew I had but now I know she's gone. I feel the hole in my heart like I had known her my entire life.

I never thought it was possible to grieve someone you never met. But my daughter, my Ana she was beautiful. Grace had shown me the pictures she had, all the scan photographs as well as the only picture they had together. Seeing that broke me more than anything, her tears down her face as she held our lifeless baby. I don't think I'll ever understand Grace's strength.

This woman had been through hell and back, but here she stands. By my side as we look down at our daughters grave stone, her head leaning against my chest.

"She looked like you" Grace breaths out, her head doesn't move. She doesn't look up to me, I just stare down at the small stone. It was on the land, I don't blame her.

I'm happy she's close to our baby girl every single day.

"I'm sure she would have grown to be just like her mother" I breath down as I press my lips against the top of her head. "Absolutely breathtaking"

There is silence, nothing but wind and birds filled my ears. I can't help but allow a tear to fall down my cheek as I look down at what could have been. I could have come back and had a family, I could have been a dad. I would have been a damn good one, make sure she had everything she would ever need or want. I would spoil her rotten while still making sure she grew with a good head on her shoulders.

I would protect her from every man that would ever look at her wrong. I would have ran from my old life in a second, I would have never raised my daughter in the world.

"Do you blame me?" Grace asks with a small croak in her voice. This time I pull her body from mine as she looks at me with sorrow and tears in her eyes, she looked guilty. Like this was her fault, it couldn't be further from that.

Nothing was her fault, she didn't lose our baby girl. She was taken from us, god had another plan for us. I didn't know what it was, but it would be revealed soon enough I was sure of that. I also knew that I would protect this woman, until the day I die.

"I would never blame you Grace" I speak as I look into her eyes of concern. She was terrified of letting me down, of letting anyone down. She had lost the one thing that would help her, she was born to be a mother. "You gave me my baby girl, you're still a Mom and I'm still a Dad" I breath out as she wipes a tear from her face.

"But I lost her" She breaths out

"No you didn't" I tell her leaning my head against her forehead. "I will never blame you"

Grace was re living this trauma, having told me was something she was scared of. Now I knew she was reliving all the emotions she felt the day she lost her. The day she held her all she could do was think about what I might say. Now she knows what I've said, it's fine to start the healing process again.

~~

I watched as Grace slept on my lap, we sat on the couch as I stroked her hair. My mom had been making dinner for us, Grace had sworn that she wasn't tired but here we are now. She's passed out on me, she was mentally exhausted I could see it in her body.

"Xavier?" I hear my mom call, I look up and smile as I see her walking over to me. She walks over with some pasta for me to eat, I knew she wouldn't want me to wake Grace.

"Thank you Mommà" I thank her as I begin to eat as well as I can with Grace still laying on my lap. I look over at my mom and I could see the weight on her shoulders. "What's happened?" I ask her knowing there was something wrong.

She sighs, her shoulders were tense and it was written all over her face whatever was going on it wasn't good.

"Luca" She breaths out, he had been attempting to get in contact with me for months. Before I escaped he wanted to help, he wanted to get me out.

He wanted me back, I didn't know what had happened in that group but something was off. It wasn't the same organisation that I had created, it was different now.

"What about him?" I ask, I feel my back tense up at the mention of his name.

"He's missing, no one's seen him in a few weeks now. I don't know who is in charge anymore, I always keep tabs but now I have no idea" I could feel her anxiety.

"What does this mean?"

"I don't know Xavier, but I don't know who's in charge now and if it's bad- they already want Graces head and-"

"They won't take her" I cut her off as I look down and stroke her hair. She was mine to protect, I would give my life for her if I just.

"Xavier, it could be dangerous we need to-"

"We're not going anywhere, we are staying here with my little girl and my wife I will protect her" I state through gritted teeth.

Nothing would happen to Grace. Not while I was here.