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ELEVEN ✃ THE BEAST THAT IS ALWAYS HUNGRY.
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2021.
𝕴 will keep her with me for a whole night. With clear, limpid, sincere pleasure. She will finally be able to lose her head, and then mischievously discover that something deep down remains. I could undress her without having any regrets. Lay bare her pain and find her still beside me. Remove the failures from her heart, and dig into her mind and find the feelings again.
𝕴nexplicably, March had blossomed, with its incomprehensible weather, the sweet sound of nightingales and as a backdrop nature recovering from the cold temperatures of winter. Spring was just a short time away. To a time of happiness and carefreeness. But I still felt a deep boulder in my chest. Almost inexplicable in words, because even I could not describe it.
Or perhaps I knew it all too well. So well that I did not want to admit it to myself and thus make peace with my head. I could not give that victory to thoughts like these, but not to face them (and then overcome them) would have been immature.
It had been weeks of deep reflection. Me and everything inside me. It was like a wall I could not destroy. I had wrapped something around it that would not allow anyone to continue. Yet in a conscious way I had to understand that the little girl would not miss anything. She knew it. She had only tried not to humour me. It was different. She was different.
Since that night in the motel, as I wiped the tears from her face, I had been ready to enter and dig deeper into Marylin's complicated heart. But she had not allowed me to, give me a chance to do so, she had clutched me with overwhelming impetus, her breath on my neck and had fallen asleep blissfully in my arms, I stroked her back in circular gestures.
