If You Never Left

Chapter 3 : Unexpected things

***

It's 2 pm now, Lunch time for everyone and a possible ask him out on a date time.

I have been always caught up not doing things I want just because of a possible failure as an outcome.

But guess what, I never knew if I had tried, I would have been successful or not, so for better or worse, asking Cooper out would be either a complete success making him my would be boyfriend as our our company doesn't have solid rules on any coworkers dating.

So of course not, neither of our careers shall be affected but an utter failure too... leading a bit, alright enormous amount of awkwardness between me and him, mostly from my side.

***

I walk out of my cabin to reach for Cooper's cabin to maybe walk with him for the nearby cafe, stealing a bit of extra time before I join the mysterious 'SOMEONE' he talked about or them.

But as soon as I reached his cabin to call him out, he had already left.

Should I call that a failure to a basic human decency of consideration or admire his sense of punctuality?

Guess I will go with neither of them because now I am really curious and confused who are the us that I am joining now.

I rushed to the cafe which is really in proximity with our office so much that most of our employees treat it as a usual hanging out place for Lunch and informal discussions.

I wandered my eyes to find Cooper. As I kept searching for Cooper, my eyes landed right where he was holding his hand with a WOMAN...what in the my mind is a fucked world ....!?!?

He is holding the hand of a woman and smiling with all his genuinely look in his eyes, his pupils are expanding out.

I am gonna throw up, I am gonna throw up.

Relax alessia, everything is okay.

It's just that a man you liked after years of loneliness is now apparently not single.

For sure, my spying skills didn't work up to it's potential. But, I want to cry, Cooper hasn't even given me signals that he is into me but I just want to cry now, I need to tuck myself in a cozy blanket and hide my face with tears flowing out of my red shot eyes.

Now I just feel completely horrible for day dreaming about a man who is apparently just in love with someone else.

For some people it sounds crazy but I know it feels an another pang in your heart proving right down to your soul how yet again you don't deserve the love after years of being your own intuitive shoulder because now you fell for someone who fell for someone else.

It's a shattering feeling because I don't know if I could find someone better than Cooper or at least like him because he has all the qualities of a man I ever needed.

It may sound crazy but where I come from, when in your whole life you have been deprived of love you start to believe you don't deserve one.

I have been fighting that feeling for years now and when I was finally in hopes to win against it, fate has turned the whole game upside down and yet I am back again to square one.

No shoulder to cry upon.

"It's okay Alessia, brace up girl. I will find someone. I will find someone. Special for me. Enough for me. It's alright." I gave a sip of daily booster to my myself. Not a shocker.