Alpha Cravings

Chapter 9 Thoughts Of Her

Damon
I haven't had much sleep or food for the past month and I feel horrible. Phoebe is at the back of my mind every second I'm awake. Our kiss on the lift constantly reminds me of what I'm missing.
Filing away the new hotel ownership papers, I sat back down at my desk after having the 'Lady Phoebe' transferred over into Phoebe's name. I've also opened an account for her and had all the finances from the hotel deposited into it.
I know that neither this nor all the suffering I've caused her will put things right between us. I just want to be clear that I care about her and that my error in the way I've handled things impacts both of us.
Today on the field was the first time I allowed myself to see her; again, that was my mistake. I've only heard about her, and Jacob seems to go out of his way daily to keep me well informed.
He once informed me that Phoebe hates to talk about me or even hear my name mentioned. I can't blame her because it was all my fault, to begin with.
When he arrives at my office smelling like her after they've both been to the gym, I almost go insane wanting her.
Furthermore, I learned through her father, Leo, that she had defeated him in a fighting challenge. When he informed me what she had done, I couldn't stop the grin from plastering on my face; I was so proud. Not only was she a person who could overcome challenges and persevere through difficult situations, but now it seemed she had the physical strength to match.
She was definitely ready to become my Luna.
Leo has always been a kind, sympathetic, and understanding person and I will always be grateful for that. I'm glad he can put his disagreements aside and get past the unpleasant predicament I put him in when he first found out Phoebe was my mate. Having to deal with his disdainful looks only made me feel worse about myself.
I made a mistake in asking Phoebe to stay away from her friends. This was her home well before Sally arrived; I hate that girl with a passion. Phoebe's place is here, right beside me. I'm going insane not being able to be near her or see her smile, and it's all my fault because I asked her to stay away.
I picked my desk up and threw it at the opposite wall, totally ashamed of myself. I'm so damn frustrated with everything.
Dad is waiting to hand the alpha position over to me, but now he isn't sure what to do. I've asked him to temporarily put things on hold until we find out whether the pup is mine or not.
But I've decided; I want to make things right, and regardless of the consequences, Phoebe will be my Luna. If she ever forgave me, that is.
Because of the sorrow and suffering I have caused her, I don't believe I could ever forgive myself for what I have done.
When the rogues arrived the day following the kiss, and I watched my Phoebe battle, she made me and Edmund proud. Then, as I was watching her battle Tessa today, I just wanted to take her back to my room and make her mine.
Leo certainly wasn't joking about her being able to defeat him. Her exquisite body moved so gracefully and powerfully.
I memorised every dip and curve in preparation for the day when I could finally make her mine.
I felt envious after Jacob's brief performance. I knew nothing would come of Jacob and Phoebe's friendship because they were more like brother and sister than friends.
It stung me like a knife that she needed my permission to come to the pack house with her friends to watch a movie. That made me feel like the biggest jerk in town, and I was ashamed of myself for asking her to stay away.
"Me too," my wolf said and hung his head in shame. "But what about my pup?" he continued in my head.
"Will most likely die," I retorted, running my fingers through my hair.
"Hell, it might not even be ours. What are you doing protecting something that may or may not be ours? Why can't we recall doing it? I should recall the first time I lost my virginity, but I don't, and you don't, either," I yell over the link.
"Doesn't Phoebe mean anything to you?" I finally snapped at my wolf.
"She means the world to me, but you know how I feel about that pup," he hissed, flashing his canines at me.
That done it, I jumped to my feet.
"I'm done with you being stupid, Edmund. I wish the moon goddess had given me a more intelligent wolf. I will do what I should have done already; then, what will you do about it?" I threatened him by shouting across the link and blocking him before he could answer.
To hell with the threat, Sally and everything else. I'm going to mark my mate.