Shawn
After that night everyday that week I took Marvella out in her stroller to the park just to seeing Marlon's face, like he said he didn't come home that night so Marvella and I slept in his bed . I felt like my face had fallen to the floor the moment they kissed in front of me, that really killed me inside . I don't want to find anybody else, I can't see myself happy with somebody, I love Marlon I always loved him and I forever will . If somebody walks into my life today and think that they can change that then that's great, I won't go searching for him till I know for sure there is nothing can amend this relationship . My everything belongs here with Marlon, if there was somebody else for me I would have found him in all those beds and back seats I've been fucking in . It's easy to say I have to let go but I can't let go, I don't want to let go . Marlon was the first person I was serious about and I know he was serious about me, he knows I've changed and he knows I wouldn't resort back to my old habits . Even though I had Marvella's name to mean faith, I also chose that name to be named after him . Everything we need is in position, what are we waiting ?
"I'm about to go out, you wanna come ?" he asked
"No ."
"You sure, you been locked up in here for the whole day ."
"I'm fine Marlon ."
"What's your problem ?"
"Nothing, go we'll be fine ."
"I'm taking her with me ."
"Where you going ?"
"I'm doing some running around, I don't know exactly ."
"You're not taking her with you if you going to that girl's house ."
"Ain't nobody said I'm taking her over there, calm your ass down ."
"I'm going with you then ."
"I don't care, I asked you if you wanted to go in the first place ."
Marlon waited in the car as I got Marvella and I ready, I secured her in her car seat and got into the passenger side . We rode all over town with her, he decided to go visit his mom but she wasn't home .
"What's your damn problem, you been pouting since you got into the car ?" he asked as he drove home
"Nothing ."
"Females man, a week later and you trippin over that girl or something ?" he commented
"I don't care about that bitch ."
He laughed "How she a bitch if you don't even know her ?"
"I'm tripping over ever fucking your rude ass ."
"Your issues are my fault ?"
"Why would you do that shit in front of my face, you brought her near my daughter . Our daughter, that was so damn disrespectful ." I said getting teary eyed
"Pause, she kissed me I ain't kiss her in front of you . You acting like I put Marvella in the girl's hand, Marvella was in the other damn room ."
"It still hurts ."
"I ain't ask you to stand there like an idiot and watch ."
"I would never do that to you, it felt like you did that shit on purpose and you know how I still feel about you ."
"You breaking one of the house rules ."
"Fuck those rules ."
"Calm the hell down, I'm playing ."
"Your jokes aren't funny and they ain't ever been funny, I keep seeing this picture that's not there ."
"I didn't do that shit on purpose, she came in there flaunting . I can't do anything for you Shawn, I didn't mean to make you think I did that shit to hurt you . I'll handle my business outside the house, my bad ."
Soon as he pulled up in the drive way I took Marvella out the car and washed her up, she was getting cranky so I fed her then put her to sleep . I did not want to sit up here with him all night so I wanted to go out for a minute, this is not a personal attack against him I just want a break . I want to get out the house and breathe, if someone tries something with me while I'm out then that's life .
"Where you going looking like that, you refereing a basketball game ?" Marlon laughed making fun of my outfit
"I'm going out for a few, asshole ."
He continued to laugh "I'm playing you look, nice . You could put on a longer shirt and better pants, shit you actually look like you going to stand on a corner ."
I almost forgot he always hated when I dressed like this "That's nice to know ."
"You forgot you got a daughter ?"
"Nope, make sure you feed her when she wakes up she might be hungry . Have fun ."
"You sure you wanna go out dressed looking like that, that's the exaple you wanna set for her ?"
"Looking like what Marlon ?"
He leaned back on the couch "Go head, bye ."
I left the house and left with a couple of old friends, not everyone knows that I gave birth to my daughter a while back . Probably don't even know I'm living with Marlon for the time being, they were just surprised to see I was back . I don't think they took the mental note that I was gone for 9 months, that could've added everything up . But tonight felt really good to me, I haven't been able to do things like this in a minute, I almost miss it . Guys stared at me but I needed to adjust to the fact that they weren't staring at me for what I've done, they were just looking to look . A couple of them approached me and after a drink or two I might have kissed one of them, nothing all close to what I used to do . Honestly I just wanted to get drunk and go home, I was tipsy but it wasn't enough for me . I had fun going out, I felt in the back of my mind that Marlon was waiting at home waiting for me to fuck up and call him . Not tonight . When I got home around 3:38 AM Marlon was asleep on the couch with Marvella in his arms, I took her and placed her in crib . He must have felt the absence of her so he got up .
"Glad I ain't had to play superman tonight ."
"Don't worry Marlon I don't need that part of you anymore ."
"I don't feel like dealing with your attitude, you got your own personal issues ." he said going into his room
I changed out of my clothes and got ready for the couch, but I did not sleep . I sat on the couch in a slump, something came over me so I acted on it . I came in this room in the middle of the night and undressed myself, climbing into his bed naked . I lifted up the covers and laid close to him and began kissing his neck .
"Shawn, what the hell - ."
I mounted on top of him while he was talking and shut him up with a kiss "I told you I didn't need the superman part of you anymore, but I still need this part of you ."
"Shawn ."
He couldn't refuse when I started going down on him, we used a condom this time . It hasn't exactly been 6 weeks since I gave birth to Marvella, it's still a very high chance I could get pregnant again if that especially if that miracle is still there. I don't care how this makes me look, I really needed this, I really wanted him . If this is the last time we can do this together then I'm going to enjoy every single moment, I want to make this a make or break moment . This could make us into what I want us to be or break us where we stand .
