Shawn
Stop it, don’t even think about it cause I never even got that far, stop fucking giving me that look I didn’t do anything . All I wanted last night was Marlon, I didn’t see him so I thought he left me there . When I found him and heard whimpers coming inside the room I was getting mad, I wanted to come home . When I’m drunk I’m scared of my own self, something could happen to me if I’m in the wrong hands but I shouldn’t be worried about that because I did say I don’t care it’s my life and whatever happens to me I deserve it . In my mind I just wanted to get home before my mother locked the door, she had me indulged in so much fear .
It’s a shame that I don’t do anything for her to treat me this way, my mother was always this fucking psychotic . I was a good kid always quiet never spoke up too much or acted out in her presence, but whenever she looked at me I never saw love in her eyes . Every year for my birthday I always got the same thing, one chocolate cupcake and cheap rag doll . After I turned five we never celebrated my birthday again, it wasn’t like she didn’t have the money to afford a cake or buy me real presents, she just never wanted to do anything special for me to show me that she cared . But yet I used to see her ass walk in here with expensive ass Michael Kors, Birkin Bags, anything fresh off the market . Don’t even get me started on Christmas, after I turned seven we stopped celebrating that too and she still never got me shit, the Christmas tree was always bare .
Most people in my situation would have given up but I really wanted a relationship with my mother, the absentee of my father never bothered me . When I brought him up to her she went cold, the life in her eyes slowly drained as she smacked me square across my face and told me to never speak about him again, after that day I haven’t mention anything about him to her . I always imagine though what he’s doing and if growing up with him would’ve been than growing with my mother .
“Ma, I was thinking that maybe later we can go out together tonight .”
“No, I have to get up early and go to work tomorrow .”
“But it won’t take long .”
“I said no .”
“Would you like to go out for lunch then, I’ll pay ?”
“Hell no and with what money ? I know you don’t have a job so you expect us to go eat with imaginary money ?”
“Forget I asked .”
Grabbing my phone I walked out the house and headed down the street to Marlon’s house, I sense that he was mad at me for last night . Like most front doors he has a little glass window there, when I knocked on the door I made sure I ducked below the little window so he couldn’t see it was me .
“What do you want ?” he asked in a weary voice
“I just wanted to see you .”
“Okay bye .”
