# SNEAKY LINK

12 . panic

i lay in bed, holding onto my body pillow tightly as i sniffle.

my eyes feel heavy as fuck and i know theyre puffy.

my body aches and my head feels like its pounding, my ears are ringing.

i'll just sleep it off.

i wake up and look out the window, the sky is engulfed by darkness and the stars. how long did i sleep for??

i check the time and its almost 9. holy shit. that was more like a coma.

i scroll down and notice i have a bunch of missed calls from a random number. who the fuck?

i click on it, calling whoever it is back and it immediately picks up.

"y/n?" its frank.

"Hi." my throat is so dry.

"what happened?" he mumbles.

"i fell asleep." I sit up, bringing my knees up to my chest.

"i was worried." his tone seems a bit sad, and quiet.

"sorry." i reply after a few silent seconds.

"how do you feel?" he asks.

i dont even know how i feel. my stomach feels like an empty pit of darkness and sorrow.

i sigh, "the same."

"wanna go out and drive?"

i think about it.

"yeah. id like that." i struggle to stand up.

"okay. i'll be in my car, so just come up to it."

i nod although he cant see me. "okay."

the call ends and i quickly put on black sweatpants, and an oversized black nike hoodie.

i grab my keys and head downstairs.

slipping on my tasmans, i put my phone in my pocket and head out.

i walk over to franks driveway and open the passenger seat, his eyes meeting mine.

"you look like shit." he jokes as he tries to lighten the mood. or at least, i hope its a joke.

i crack a small smile and get in, feeling just a little bit better as i sit down.

i close the door and he immediately pulls out the driveway.

he lets me connect to aux and i begin to play my playlist, the first song coming up is Nervous by the neighborhood.

i let my head rest on the window as i look out.

i can feel his gaze occasionally on me, but i never look. i dont have the strength to.

the way i sobbed and cried took out all of my energy. especially because i havent broke down like that in years.

soon enough we're in the starbucks drive through, yet i cant remember telling him what i wanted even though i know it came out my mouth.

"thanks," i mumble as i take the drink from his hands and place it in one of the coasters.

my voice doesnt feel like my own.

my gaze goes back to the window, and i cant help but feel fucking crazy.

my body doesnt feel like mine. my thoughts get louder and louder and i feel like my breath is shortening by the second.

i quickly hold onto the bottom of the seats with both hands as i try to regain my composure, but my breath wont go back to normal.

"y/n??? are you okay holy shit?!" franks tone is panicked and i look up at him.

everything feels doubled and it sounds like hes repeating everything hes saying.

"what??" i mumble, my lungs arent filling up comfortably.

"y/n!" he looks concerned.

fuck.

i quickly get out the car as i noticed we've been parked for a bit. when did he park?

i quickly go to the back seats and frank joins me.

"fuck, fuck, fuck.." i groan as nothing seems to be helping and my breaths only get shorter and shorter. am i about to pass out?

"y/n.." frank places both of his hands on my shoulders to try to calm me down.

but it doesnt work. why isnt it working? whats wrong with me?

i gasp for air, this car feels too tight.

frank begins to rummage through the pocket behind the seat and he pulls out a paper bag.

he hands it to me and i put it up to my mouth and nose, breathing in and out as i close my eyes.

he presses my back against the seat by my shoulders.

the weight of his hands feel nice and give me some sense of comfort to keep me grounded.

slowly, i breath in and out. deep breaths.

i keep my eyes closed for what feels like forever until my thoughts begin to quiet down and my body stops feeling like its all vibrating.

until his voice becomes one again, and isnt endlessly repeating and repeating.

until my breathing becomes steady again.

but i cant open my eyes, i dont wanna see the look on his face.

quickly, i feel his arms pull me into a warm embrace, he slowly rubs his hand in a circle on my back.

i move the paper bag away and take another deep breath but this time im met with fresh air.

i open my eyes and move away, just to see how he looks.

his eyes are filled with worry and concern. his lips are slightly quivering.

"im sorry." i mumble.

"what happened?" he asks me in a soft tone.

"i just.. panicked." i look around slowly, taking in my surroundings again and naming things, naming their colors. just to focus on something else.

he nods.

fighting this battle with my mind is never easy.

i guess he notices something i dont and he pulls me into another hug. tight.

"its okay. everythings okay. youre here, youre real, and youre gonna be okay." he keeps repeating.

"youre fine. im here with you, im not gonna leave." he whispers into my ear and everything just calms down.

my mind is quiet, and even if it only lasts a second its worth it.

this moment has shown me that i not only like frank, but i love him.