This Disease Called Depression...

Unexplainable Week

This is not a poem or quote or something similar. It's about my week. I'm sorry for ranting, but I really need to get it out.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I had the most horrifying and miserable week in my life. Everything crashed and it destroyed me physically and mentally.

It was a short week. We had a long weekend. Most people would be elated by that. Not me. I had the worst weekend.... Ever.

I had some drama over the weekend which is a normal daily routine for me. But something happened this time. It was difficult to digest it this time round. I never actually acknowledged my surroundings and the drama and tension in it. But this time I felt like running. Running far away and never come back. I wouldn't even mind being kidnapped.

I actually got used to my pain. It's a part of me now.

The pain is what makes me realise that I actually do exist. I constantly feel invisible. I'm constantly ignored, disregarded and forgotten. The pain is what reminds me that I am human.

I had a bet with my friend he said that someone in my school likes me. I told him I have no qualities or features that will even make my dog look at me in a good way. Forget humans. That somehow led to a discussion with my other friend. I told her that I was invisible. I said to her that if I disappear the next morning no one will even care. Or notice for that matter. She said my teacher will care. Is that who I have? A teacher??

Why am I never good enough? Why am I ugly? Why me?
Why?