part 4.5: new years day

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A/N: basically just when they first met - sorta a flashback ig!

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Thats right.

A year ago, new years eve.

In Carlos defence, I looked, acted and sounded completely different.

My hair was buzzed off, I was going through bisexual crisis which included me acting as straight as I could. In other words, denial. Plus, I introduced myself as Eddie. So cringe.

'Eddie' and Carlo had chatted all evening, about school and sport. We had lost each other in the craze of midnight fireworks and crowds and never found each other again.

From then, I knew he had a crush and I was done forcing straightness down my own throat.

When I had met him again, at dinner 10 days previously, I knew that something would be different.

I was right, but it didn't help. In fact, it made everything worse. Carlo was charming and sweet, attractive but most importantly straight. Carlo was straight and I couldn't forget that.

No matter how many dates we went on, or how many times we playfully winked or held hands; it was simply fake.

A fake relationship so that we could embarrass our fathers.

That's all.

That's all it could and ever will be.

Fake.

Maybe if I repeated it enough times to myself, I would stop believing it might change. It won't change.

It's fake. Fake, fake, fake.

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