⚣ It Won't Work like that.

part 8 : you're losing me

Carlo's pov :

We laid in my bed, both in pyjamas. They were both plaid bottoms and mismatched hoodies. There was a movie playing on my laptop but my attention was on Edvin.

He was lent back against the headboard of my bed, with a pillow hugged to his chest. Our conversation had gone quite deep, he was talking about his life at home. Apparently, he had 2 close friends. Louis and Ava. They had been a couple since he had met them, but they never left him out or made him feel insignificant. They were the only people who knew his sexuality other than people here.

I thought about how maybe I could ask to carry on the fake relationship into the school term. Come up with an excuse, I would find one. The problem was that Edvin was too kind to say no, he deserved a real relationship. To be loved and to know it. Not for it to be hidden, masked in an act of fake dating.

I wondered if we would still speak when this was over, I hoped that it wouldn't end rocky. We could stay friends and I would silently love him until we drifted apart. I would take that over him hating me, I would take anything over him hating me.

"I realised, we only have 5 days. Have you thought of how we will break up?" His words weren't meant in a cruel way and yet it hit me like a truck.

Less than a week.

"5 days?"

He nodded. "Summer went fast, didn't it."

"I'll miss it forever, I think I'll miss you forever." I bit my tongue, I sounded like such a creep. As per usual, Edvin didn't judge. He didn't laugh or roll his eyes.

"We'll think of something so that you don't have to miss me then. A mutual break up, maybe? Or, hmm, we agreed that in school relationships never work?"

I closed my eyes and exhaled softly, even a fake break up to a fake relationship made my eyes sting a little. It would never be the same again after this, normal friends don't talk the way we did.

5 days.

5 days.

5 days.

No, I couldn't let this end. I had to tell him, I had to tell him the truth. All of it. The tough, heart-breaking truth. If he didn't feel the same way then that was my answer. My closure. But I couldn't just go on with life by not telling him. That sounded exhausting, so fake and secretive.

"Edvin?"

He turned to me and smiled, "Yeah?"

I took a deep breath, I could do this. No, I had to do this. "Would you kiss me again?"

"Hmm, probably it wasn't bad you know. When? Tomorrow, there probably won't be many people on a Wednesday?"

I shook my head. "No. Would you kiss me?"

"Carlo, what do you mean?"

I swallowed. "I want to kiss you, you want to kiss me too? Now. Not for show. You want to kiss me now, here?"

He frowned and moved backwards. "What are you on about? Don't," he stuttered. "Don't joke about that, Carlo."

"I'm not joking."

Edvin shook his head and his shoulders hunched up. "Stop. What, what is this part of the act?"

"What? No, no I mean it."

"Carlo-"

"I don't wanna keep pretending, Edvin. I know you, you know me - more than anyone. I want something to change, it has to."

"You're right, it does have to change. We should stop, stop all of this."

"Everything?" My voice was close to a choke now, what had he meant. Stop all of this? All of us, entirely?

"Don't pretend this hasn't been pretend since the beginning." He stood up and started picking his things from around the room. He was hurried, like he wanted to get out as fast as possible. "I knew that you would find out, I guess that I thought you'd have the decency to let us stay friends. I also guess now, you're really not who I thought you were. You're an ass-hole, that's what you are."

What was he saying? Find out about what.

My door slammed shut and he was gone. I had ruined it all, he hated me. I shouldn't have tried it, what had I expected? He was only acting, acting as if he liked me. I was so stupid for thinking that it had changed.

I dug my face into my pillow, I wanted to scream. Or cry. I was so stupid what had I done.

~~~

Edvin's pov :

It was pitch black outside. The pale moonlight was my only guidance. The same moonlight from a few hours ago. From when I had tried to freeze time. I wanted to go back, go back to when I still had slight delusion of us having a chance.

He had found out that I liked him. Thought it would be funny to mess me around, try to make me kiss him. I didn't know his reasons, I just knew he was a dick.

I hated him, I hated him with all of my soul. Except for the part that I didn't. I didn't hate him one bit, I loved him. Completely, every inch.

Once home, my eyes were a mess of tears. I ran up the stairs but was stopped by my father.

"Edvin? You're home, I thought you were staying at Carlo's."

My body shaked, I was so full of anger and yet equally despair. "Yeah, well clearly not now. We're finished, it was all fake anyway. To make you guys mad, happy now?"

I stormed into my room and slammed the door.

Jane knocked shortly after and poked her hair around the door. She saw my tears and almost ran straight in. Her arms wrapped over my shoulders and around my neck.

She squeezed my shoulder and looked at me, "What happened?"

"He found out. I don't know how or when, he knows that I like him. He started joking around, saying how I wanted to kiss him. I knew he would find out I just thought he would be nicer about it all."

She nodded. "That doesn't seem like him, I'm so sorry."

I asked her to leave, I needed to think and she agreed. I felt awful for it but I equally needed to organise my thoughts, my crazy brain fuzz.

I just needed to get over him, even though things had been going so well. Ugh, it was like I had an angel and devil taunting both sides of me. The angel was his words, his sweet smile, how it felt like everything would be okay when I was around him. The devil was that it was all a lie.

Carlo's pov :

The next morning, Giselle was at my door.

"You are both idiots," she said as I opened the door.

I rubbed the back of my neck tenderly. "Uh, good morning?"

She strutted in and scoffed. "You are both such idiots!"

"Giselle, what are you.. what do you mean?"

She rolled her eyes and then brought me into a tight hug. This was all very confusing for a brain powered off 4 hours of sleep. Was she mad or not?

"Are you okay?" I nodded but she cocked her head to the side. "I don't believe you, what happened last night?"

I stuttered on my words and tried to pick my words. "I told him that I wanted to kiss him, he left."

"What? But you said... everything was going so well though?"

"It was, but I messed it all up. I mean, why would I even confess. You're right, I am stupid. In what world would anyone say yes to me? I'm awkward and frizzy and he's so... so perfect."

Giselle sucked her teeth. "I'm so sorry, Carlo."

I am sorry too, sorry for my stupid self who thought I had a chance.