Arrogant Bastard | Summerz

Chapter 13

Two years later...

Kazuha

I clasped my hands together as I sat on the bed, moving my legs up and down. I dreaded this day as much as I longed for it. The closer it got, the more my apprehension about leaving grew. Staring at the gray walls, I could hardly believe that it was really happening. The big day had arrived.

Snapping my fingers, I stood up and started pacing back and forth.

- What's the matter, Kazuha? - An Yujin, my cellmate, asked. - This is the long-awaited day.

- You'll know what it's like when your day comes.

- Yeah. I'm going to be so happy. Would you like to change places? I'd give anything to be in your place right now.

- I know, I know. It's not that I'm ungrateful. It's just that things have changed since I came here. This place... has become normal for me. Leaving here will be like stepping into a big black hole. At least here I know what to expect.

- It's only been two years, not forty.

- A lot can happen in two years, Yujin. I know that very well. - As the words left my mouth, my heart immediately squeezed. Two years ago, I had a mother. Now I didn't. She was dead. God, it was so painful to think that she was no longer around. That was reason enough for me to want to stay stuck and hide from reality.

My mother had an aneurysm while driving about a year ago. The fact that I was stuck and couldn't say goodbye while she was fighting for her life in hospital was something I could never forgive myself for.

There were many things I couldn't forgive myself for.

Yujin's next question made my head spin.

- Are you going to try to find her?

- Who?

I knew who she was talking about.

- You know.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. Why did she have to mention her name?

- No - I answered firmly.

- No?

My tone was more insistent.

- No?

- Why not?

- Because it's been two bloody years. She's probably already married, maybe even has a child. Oh, and there's the little detail that she hates me with all her might and wishes I were dead for hurting her.

I never intended to tell Yujin about Chaewon. I never intended to tell anyone about her, especially the details of how I left her.

One night, I was apparently talking in my sleep, in the middle of a dream, saying things like: Chaewon, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I had woken Yujin up and she pulled me out of the nightmare. The dreams were recurring and kept happening, until she started calling them "Chaewons". "You had another Chaewon last night," she said.

- You have no way of knowing if she hates you.

- What does it matter, Yujin? Even if she isn't married, my goal in running away that morning was to make her hate me so that she would get on with her life and not wait for me during the two years I was trapped in this hellhole. Why would I intentionally hurt her if I intended to come back and try to be with her again?

- Aren't you curious to know how she's doing?

Fuck.

Of course I was.