Temptation (Simon Riley x OC reader)

18.

I pondered whether to answer him or not. I wanted to. I wanted to scream the whole truth, pour my heart out to him and let him listen to my sobs. But I couldn't. It was too painful to remember.

I wanted to bury myself alive right in that moment, maybe blur out the noise so I'd disappear but I knew all too well it didn't work like that. The past never dies, it always comes back to bite you in the ass.

I turned my head away from him, hands clenched in tight fists. My shoulders gently shook from the tears that threatened to pour out of my eyes. I needed to keep it together.

But it hurt so much...

Simon never even saw me this vulnerable.

I didn't allow him to.

I didn't allow MYSELF to be vulnerable ever since... ever since then. Ever since SHE came to life.

Her little face haunted me still, her giggles, her cries.. her first damn word being my name. I couldn't have asked for worse.

- 7 years ago -

Today was the final day I had to be behind these awful trenches. The smell of gunpowder and sand attached itself to my clothes. Burning my eyes and filling my lungs, cutting my breaths short.

I was focused on the target in my scope, taking a precise aim before shooting it down.

I was stationed with a small platoon in the middle of fuck-knows-where. We started up in one spot and ended up in a distant village deep in the desert. I was thirsty, my men were tired and fighting back the heat with their last strength.

Slowly but surely the enemies were cleared and we could push forth.

You can never understand how it feels to die of dehydration until you become a soldier and find yourself in this type of shit.

"There's the village. We search it, save any survivor and get the fuck out of here"

I ordered to my platoon and received a unanimous

"Yes, ma'am"

We moved in slowly, rifles at the ready as we searched through the first few broken down houses, managing to find a few survivors.

Three children we rescued, beaten up and dusty from the fallen debris. They couldn't understand us and we couldn't understand them but offering them water and food was enough to gain their trust.

"No enemy... friend.."

One of my men said, taking the little girls hands' in his.

- present -

My memory was.. dusty. Those last few moments were blurry. I could feel my eyes burn again, my lungs screaming at me. I felt as if I was in a hallucination, reality pushing me back in time to that goddamn day yet again...

Simon grabbed my arm, snapping me out of my trance as I flinched away from him. A singular shameful tear ran down my cheek, our gazes meeting.

His was cold, stoic, Betrayed. It sent shivers down my spine the way he looked at me, his grip on my arm was gentle yet the touch stung.

—————————(Ghost)————————

I could feel my anger rise when she didn't answer me, even more when her eyes left mine. I wanted to scream at her, to shake some sense into her, make her talk. Why would she do such a thing? What reason did she have? Was she a criminal? Had something happened?

So many questions and so few answers. I hated the wait, the silence. I got up from the infirmary bed to walk towards her. She looked like a zombie, her pretty little eyes were glossy and her sweet plump lips curved into a retained pout.

My hand came in contact with her arm and she snapped her head to look at me, one single tear staining her beautiful face. I wanted to set myself on fire for making her cry, for upsetting her.

It wasn't my business to dig around in her past, nor was it my business to ask her touchy questions.

I felt... horrible. Her eyes looked at me with shame written all over them. Guilt, disappointment.. fear.

"Hey.. c'mere.."

I spoke softly, pulling her into my arms. She almost immediately started to sob.

Her tears stained my shirt but I didn't care.

This poor thing trusted me with her life and I broke her.

Like an idiot.

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I never meant for any of it to happen.. I couldn't stand her. I tried, I tried Simon! I.."

Her weeping voice made my cold heart melt away. I never saw her tears, never heard her cry. As if she were mourning someone.

I wanted to take her pain away, to kiss her soft stained cheeks. I wanted to see more of her.. to hear her heart speak to me. But I knew it would only hurt her more.

I knew I was wrong for what I had done, I should've just asked her. Maybe she would've told me herself.. but maybe not.

She sunk her face into my chest, apologizing for something I didn't know nor wanted to ask her about anymore.

I rubbed a hand up and down her back, keeping the other on the back of her head gently. Her soft hair soothed the anger that I had for her just a few moments ago but made my own guilt only rise.

"Kat... baby girl, look at me."

My voice was.. so gentle. Caring... loving. I wanted her tears to stop, for her smile to show. To hear her joyful laugh again.

She raised her head to look at me. Eyes puffy and red, swollen with the tears of a painful memory. She sniffled a few times, only to start sobbing again as I cupped her pale cheeks in my hands.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't have gone behind your back, I am a dumbass.."

It was strange to hear myself apologize, but I was sincere. I couldn't find it in me to yell at her. I wanted the truth but I wanted to hear it from her... when she would be ready for me to hear it.