My Emotions On Paper

the little things🪷

I used to think I was good at spending time alone with myself but now I realize I really sucked at it
I spent my time and energy on people and things that drained me and isolated myself from those closest to me
Spending time alone to me wasn't really an enjoyable experience, it was just a way of numbing myself from the stress of life
I prided myself on being lonely with the pretense of being 'alone with myself'
It was not until I made a conscious effort to actually spend time in my day doing things I enjoy instead of just numbing my loneliness with distractions did i really realize my error
This days I have actually been taking the time to learn and know myself and honestly it's been fun
I realize now that spending time alone doesn't mean I have to be lonely and from it I have learnt how to let go of relationships and people who no longer serve me and cultivate and spend more time with people who genuinely make me happy
I have learnt and I am still learning so much about myself
God has really been solid in helping me do that and i have found that there's a peace that comes in fully trusting him and building a relationship with him as me building a relationship with him has helped me build a better relationship with myself
I have become more conscious of my thoughts and instead of the constant anxiety and negative self talk I used to feel, there's been a lightness, I have found myself being aware of when i'm spiraling and being able to work healthily through it
I'm becoming less and less scared of using my voice, giving my opinion and speaking up and getting to know people, before I could barely speak to strangers but this days I surprise myself with how easily it comes to me
I will not lie and say that everyday has been perfect, even with all this progress i have made I have still found myself in old patterns, made mistakes, been lost and worried about my future and purpose but everyday I find more clarity, hope and more reasons to be grateful
There's so many things to be grateful for in my life right now and I am genuinely glad for the small circle of friends and family I have in my corner
Everyday I grow and learn more about myself, i hope that on days when things are hard, I remember not to take the little things for granted

Poets note:
I know I have been really inconsistent with my writing due to writer's block and a lot of other factors but I just wanted to let you guys know that I haven't abandoned you and that I am going to try to be more consistent, I know most of you have probably abandoned this book but if you're still here and reading this thank you, till next time❤️