I Hate to love you

CH-5- A Lousy Friend

Warning- Mention of Suicide, childhood trauma, abuse.

Song- F*ck My Life by Seventeen, Thanks by seventeen

[Keith P.O.V] 

 I was sitting with Rachel, and honestly, I couldn't careless that she heard everything. It doesn't even matter, Luca fainted because of me, I am really a lousy friend and I have never hated myself more. I should just kill myself at this point, there is no one waiting from me back home. Not one would even cry for me at my funeral. Rachel put her hand on my shoulder and locked her gaze on me, alluring me to look back at her. "Keith, don't disregard yourself like that, you were only 5 years old, with early trauma. It's not your fault." Her voice was calm and soft, after everything, it felt like a good bye, knowing I would be on okay terms with her after I die. "Keith and Rachel!" a nurse called. "Yes we are here!" I yelled, my voice screeching and breaking. "You two are a cute couple, unfortunately, The syncope your friend went through was pretty serious, his blood pressure dropped a lot very fast. He might need to stay here longer than intended." I know, I should've corrected him, but I just didn't care about it. I wanted to apologize to Luca and die in peace. I wanted to clear up every misunderstanding. I suddenly stood up, knowing what I want to do next "Rach, I am going inside, just wait for me in my dorm, I need to talk to him alone." 

I went inside his room, and there he laid on the bed, as if he were dead. I took the seat next to him and put my head down, to cool myself. "I know, I am wrong, I don't want to be talking about this while you are asleep either, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I want you to yell at me, punch me, shake me, do whatever just don't stay quiet." I say while getting up, and then I fell to my knees. I looked pathetic, and I am proud to admit I did. This is who I am, I am pathetic, spoiled, and a very lousy friend, if you consider me one, Luca. 

"I am sorry, Luca, I really am. For everything you went through, I made you a side character and made you feel left out. I should've been there for you, I don't deserve your forgiveness. I really am despicable, I know that, the words by him still replay in my mind, once every now and then." I sighed. "Its okay, Keith." I hear a voice, I looked around just to be disappointed, it was all in my head. I need someone, to say those three words, please. I am not okay anymore, I need someone to help me come back to my senses. "Luca- I- no, I- need you- please-speak to me-I am sorry- I-I am pathetic, a-and I-I don't-t des-serve t-t-o be forgiven-n. I-I know. I a-am sorry. Please jus s-speak to me." I stuttered. It was as if I forgot how to spell out and pronounce. 

"useless" "lousy" "ungrateful brat" those words echoed in my head. I was overcome by a memor- no trauma, which I desperately wanted to forget. I fell deeper into the floor. I felt a foot push my head deeper. 

A/N: GET YOUR TISSUES OUT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER HEHE :> 

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Short Chapter, sorry. 

I was running late and I was out of time. Plus I was working on another story and spent all my free time there. I am very stupid. Sorry for the bad grammar, I couldn't give this for proofreading either...

-Lara 

(Word count- 617)