I'd told you

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I'd told you.
I'd told you that I've been hurt enough
and to not give me anymore wounds.
Yet, you have scarred me so heavily
that how much ever I try to stop the bleeding,
the wounds still continue to bleed.

I'd told you.
I'd told you that trusting you is my decision
and proving me wrong is your choice.
Yet, you chose to break my trust.
You shattered my trust like glass.
I came to you to melt it and reforge it,
and to make it stronger this time,
but you turned your back towards me.

I'd told you.
I'd told you that I don't tell people how much
I appreciate them in my life,
because if I poured my heart out
and then they left,
it would just make that day hurt more.
Yet, I took that risk.
I was courageous enough to tell you how grateful I was to have you.
Only because I believed,
or should I say you made me believe that you wound never leave?
Yet, you abandoned me in this mysterious world.

I'd told you.
I'd told you that I'm scared of hurting you too
You said that we would see when that happens.
And when that happened,
instead of sitting with me and solving things,
you just walked away leaving an open end.

I'd told you.
I'd told you that once my trust issues surface,
once I get paranoid,
my torment would be so great that
I would do anything in my power to push people away.
And on such days,
I only need you to hold on a little longer.
But you didn't stay even for a second.

I'd told myself.
I'd told myself that you wouldn't change,
that you knew exactly what you were doing.
Yet, I held on to you.
Embracing your flaws while they felt like hugging a cactus,
just with the hope of being with you someday.

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