Dive With You

Six

It was a packed schedule day and you were sitting off to the side since you were done with your own set of photos. Your makeup was retouched and your hair looked over again. Nothing out of the ordinary until Sana plopped down next to you, finally finished with her own things.

You knew you had to do something about this crush. But your unnie's words echoed in your mind. Don't do it. Let it die like all the other feelings just so you didn't get in trouble. But you couldn't. It was killing you.

"Sana... Can I talk to you?" You whispered.

She glanced over from her phone, nodding at your question. She was a little shocked when you stood up and walked further away from people, but she followed suit.

"Is it important?" She frowned.

"Kind of," You sighed.

It was important to you. Maybe not to her, but you definitely.

When you were out of earshot of managers and others that could hear, you started to feel nervous. You couldn't help but feel like you were maybe doing the wrong thing. But you needed it to come out. You needed to say something.

"I don't really know how to form this into proper words, but I've been crushing on you for a while. I thought it was stupid feelings at first, but I didn't think they would grow further... You don't have to accept them but I just wanted to get that out there." You hated how rambly it sounded. Hated how it made you look so stupid but it was the only thing you couldn't form words for.

The feelings made you clammy, dizzy, and slightly light-headed. Everything about crushing on someone made your stomach turn.

"Oh... Y/N... I... really don't know what to say," Sana frowned. "I... I don't think I like women like that... But I'm glad you see me in such a way. Flattering really," she stammered. "But... I just.."

"I understand." You shut the conversation down quickly. You gave her a polite smile before going back to your seat, not once faltering in your step.

Sana on the other hand was entirely confused. Yes, you had been a silent type, always keeping face but you were never one to shut down a conversation when it wasn't a response you didn't want.

"Y/N, aren't we going to talk further about this?" She quickly grabbed your wrist, trying to stop you.

"What more is there to talk about? You don't feel the same as I do," you shrugged your shoulders, trying not to break down right there.

You were devastated but you weren't going to show it in public either. Heck, you didn't even think you were going to show it at all.

"You said it developed more. How are you not sad about this?" She frowned.

"We are different people Satang." You forced a smile, watching her frown change to an even further confused face. "I'm not going to drop to my knees and beg for you to accept my feelings if you don't like women in that way." You finally found your pace. Your pace for words when they were needed most.

You thought it was just your emotional overdrive kicking in. Maybe it was. But you were grateful it was.

You put up a facade, casually joking with Jeongyeon and Dahyun when you could for the cameras and the sake of keeping face. You felt like dying on the inside and it hurt. But you needed to keep the fake happy up. At least for now.

When you got back to the dorm, you couldn't even do anything. You stayed silent, waiting for the bathroom to be free so you could shower and get ready for bed. Which was when you cried.

You let out a few tears, silently crying while the water hit you. You didn't want others to see and worry. You never cried. You didn't show emotions regularly and it was something you wanted to keep.

"Long shower?" Jeongyeon frowned.

"Muscles ached." You lied.

"Oh, maybe you should relax tonight..." She moved over to your small bed, seeing the puffiness around your eyes. "Especially if you were crying." She muttered quietly.

Jeongyeon knew you almost as well as Joohyun. Seeing the little tells that gave away your real emotions under the facade you threw at everyone.

"I'll be okay... Don't worry about me." You whispered. It was the truth. You weren't struggling. You were suffering. But it was something you would get over. It was just a stupid crush that needed to be buried in fire and die. Just like Joohyun said. Let it die and it'll be fine.

"You know you can talk to us right? At least me?" Jeong frowned.

"Of course. I just need to sort out my mind before I talk." You reassured her. It was true. You didn't want to talk without your mind being sorted. And you certainly weren't going to voice your crush to another member since it probably would cause a weird riff between everyone if they talked about it.

"Good... Don't need you crying by yourself." She smiled before hugging you.

You accepted the hug, glad to have some kind of affection for the first time in a few days.