Dive With You

Eleven

"You need to calm down before you say or do something you'll regret." Joohyun stared you down, standing between you and Sana at that point.

Jeongyeon had noticed your hands balling into fists and how you moved closer to Joohyun. You weren't too much taller than her. Only a head taller than her. Jeongyeon moved quickly, grabbing your wrist before you could go further.

Except... Joohyun knew you wouldn't dare hit her. Sober or not. She knew she could pin you to the ground quickly and knew exactly how to take you down without getting a scratch on her. But everyone else didn't. They weren't that close to you.

It was probably the longest and most terrifying thirty seconds of everyone's lives at that moment. Jeongyeon and Sana had seen a side of you that had only been seen by your older brother and Joohyun herself.

"Fine." You turned away from them, shaking your wrist out of Jeongyeon's grasp.

Joohyun turned to look at Sana, guiding her out of the room and leading her down the hall. Everyone in the living room was quiet, completely aware of the conversation that had been heard down the hall.

"Thank you..." Sana whispered.

"You need to get your own feelings in check before something happens. She only loses control like that when she's extremely upset and you clearly got her to that point. Decide what you want and stick to it." She glared at the younger woman.

To say the next two days were tense would've been a severe understatement. You stayed in bed, not wanting to face the group just yet. They had seen you drink before, but never like that. You had gone overboard and reacted to an emotion that should've been buried so far down.

"Are we all here?" Jihyo counted, seeing everyone near the front door, waiting to walk out and get ready for the day when you trailed up at the end.

"Can I say something very quick?" You asked.

Everyone turned to you, seeing how tired you looked. It killed you to know they had a newfound fear of you, but you couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry for my behavior the other night. It was very unprofessional and reckless of me to act like that." You sighed. "It... It won't happen again." You swore to yourself you wouldn't ever drink like that again. Or at least until you get over these feelings.

It was rough. Rough having people see you in a different light now. Sana steered clear of you, only interacting when she felt it was necessary. But it was impossible to keep that necessity when she was incredibly nervous around you now.

Sure, people would play fight and shove, but you were bubbling with anger and you don't know what you would've done if Joohyun hadn't stepped in that night.

"Unnie... Do you want to join us?" Tzuyu peeked over the railing to your bed, seeing you laying there without any care. Your practice had gone as normal as it could with minor mistakes.

"Join who and for what?" You asked her.

"Dahyun and Chaeyoung and I." She answered. "We're going to watch a movie." She whispered.

"Sure, I'll join."

You tried to be nice to those three the most. They were young. Sacrificing so much of their lives to be idols. idols. So you did your best to make sure they were always taken care of the most. Doting on them and caring for them while others were busy.

After your little hangout with the three youngest, the others started to open up again, talking to you, joking, and having familiar feelings again. You were still careful, mainly around Sana since she would try to be normal. It was seeming as if everything was going just a little better. You were finally starting to get rid of your feelings, letting them slowly die off until you had the one conversation that fucked your entire head over.

"Can I talk to you?"

It was an off day, most of the members were out doing whatever they had planned for or were sleeping the day away. You were seated on the couch, reading a book that Joohyun had hit you with maybe half a dozen times before she told you to read it.

"Sure." You threw your bookmark into the book, setting it aside so you could give her your full attention.

"Um... I don't think we really... Got to talk about what happened..." She whispered.

You stayed silent, choosing not to say a word since you didn't want to make yourself angry all over again. So you decided to just listen instead of talk. Let everything process and figure out the exact words you wanted to say rather than impulse decisions you would regret.

"I... I think I do have feelings for you... Moreso than normal ones for a friend... But I just... I don't know how to act on them... It's a scary feeling and I just.."

You held your hand up, letting out a sigh before shaking your head. You couldn't do this. You just couldn't. You were just starting to let the feelings go and now you could feel your heart beating incredibly fast, your mind racing at the multiple thoughts of finally getting to call Sana yours, but it didn't feel right. Nothing felt right when you thought of her. She was supposed to not like you this way. Let your feelings die so you can finally have a night where you slept. Not one where you stayed awake wondering what if.

"I can't... I can't do this." You finally spoke. "I don't want to accept your feelings... I can't. I need time to process my own emotions and feelings." You whispered. "So... whatever feelings you have... Just... Ignore them... Please..." You never thought you would say those words, but they were the correct words to say. Just let the feelings die and get over it. Get over every little romantic feeling you had and tell her the same just to make life easier.

"But... I don't want to lie to myself..." She whispered.

"Sana... Please. Don't make it harder than it needs to be. I can't handle this right now." You were at the edge of your mind. You didn't want to reciprocate the feelings, start a relationship, and put even further strain on the group. You couldn't bare to see your leader begin to stress more than she already was. "Just... Please lie to yourself for the sake of me..."