"FUCK!!!!" My dad's hands start pummelling the wall either side of Taylors head as I stifle a laugh
You couldn't make this shit up.
It took 4 hours non stop to get a ransom video out of Taylor that we could use, the girl is a lot of things but a good actress she is not.
It took fake tears, makeup and a reminder of her dog that died when she was 8 to even get close to a performance the world would believe
Niall eventually sent the video to all the major news station in the US and we are now watching the aftermath on the tv
Superstar Taylor Swift is slammed by fans for Kidnap prank...
"April the first! April the fuckin first!" He kicks Taylors chair and she bounces slightly at the impact
"It's not my fault!" She screams and my fathers positions his hands near her throat as though he's about to strangle her
"Kidnap the girl you said, bring her home, you said, hold her for ransom, make millions of dollars then flee the country, easy money you said. This is not easy money this is a comedy show that's about as funny as a finger up the ass!"
I stomp over to where Taylor is sat tied to a chair and undo the restraints, pull her to her feet and then we both walk in silence to the pool house where I slam the door shut and then slam my hands down onto the table and growl in frustration
"Well I think I did pretty well out there, once this is all over maybe I'll make the move from music to movies, I could star in the big screen version of 'The Kidnapping Of Taylor Swift"
"The way it's going you're going to be staring in the big screen version of 'The Killing Of Taylor Fuckin Swift"
I sit down on the sofa with my head in my hands "Why the fuck did I go along with this? Why did I ever think it would work?"
"Because like your father you're a dumbass. I'm going to shower"
"Taylor, this isn't a vacation, you are supposed to wait for me to tell you what to do not walk around like you own the place"
"Give her whatever she wants, your mothers words not mine and I want a shower, followed by dinner, I'm hungry, I want a Cuban sandwich"
"A Cuban Sandwich in Canada?"
"Whatever. I. Want"
"I don't even know what's in a Cuban sandwich"
"That's what Google's for, have fun whilst I shower. Oh. You do know how to spell Cuban don't you?"
"Let me think, it's B-I-T-C-H right?" She sticks her tongue out at me before disappearing into the bathroom and I can't help but smile at the ridiculousness of the situation.
We kidnap a global superstar from Madison Square Garden, drive her across the border easy peasy and then everything goes to shit, first no one will believe she's been kidnapped and then we go and release the ransom video on the first of April and everyone thinks it's an April Fools Day prank and worst of all it's me that's stuck in the pool house with her, me that has to deal with her day in and day out
"You need to buy new towels, these ones have been used!"
"Yes by you, once"
"Exactly. Taylor Swift doesn't use towels more than once"
"Well Travis Kelce does and he uses them to wrap the dead body of little Divas in before he buries them in the garden"
"No ones going to pay millions of dollars for my dead body!" She yells from the bathroom
"Apparently no ones going to pay millions of dollars for you alive either!" I yell back and I hear her slam the door shut and then the air fills with obscenities "How is this my life?" I ask out loud
"Because you chose to stay in Canada and didn't come to the States when I asked you to"
My head snaps up at the sound of the familiar voice as my heart just about drops out of my ass. "Jason" I stand up, feeling awkward in his presence and unsure of what to do with myself
"Alright little brother? Someone told me you had a situation here that might require my help"
Fuck!
If things weren't bad already they just got a million times worse
