You Give Her Orgasms, I Give Her Cookies

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"Niall..." I say apprehensively as I stoke the campfire, knowing out here in the woods is the only place my family won't be listening

"Travis..."

"What would you say if I told you I was thinking of leaving town?"

"I would say about fuckin time my brother and then shake your hand" he puts a handful of popcorn he's just popped on the fire into his mouth and then spits it's back out and wafts his mouth as though it's burning "Too hot Trav, way too fuckin hot"

He cracks open a beer and uses to to cool his mouth and I just laugh and shake my head at the antics of my best friend, he might have a tiny pea sized brain but he has a heart as big as a bear

"Okay, well what would you say if I told you I was thinking of leaving town with Taylor?"

"I would ask what they fuck you had been smoking and then ask you to share it as all good friends should"

I look at him, my face straight and I see it slowly begin to dawn on him that this isn't a joke

"You're serious?"

"I don't know. Am I stupid for even thinking about it?" I take a sip of my beer and then push back in my chair and close my eyes as the flames warm my face and realise that in such a quiet and peaceful moment all I can think about is Taylor

"No! I mean it's Taylor Swift, eventually someone's gonna care she's missing and if you're the only one holding her you're the only one getting that lovely ransom money. Fuck the family!" He shouts whilst holding his middle finger in the air, "I just hope you remember your dearest, most loveliest Irish friend when you're swimming in all that cash"

"No!" My eyes ping open "not like that I mean 'leave town' with her, the two of us heading to New York and... you know doing New Yorkish stuff"

"Like sex stuff?"

"Well hopefully but fully clothed stuff too like, I don't know, maybe I could do my art or something"

"You like her like her don't you?"

"I don't know all I know is I don't hate her as much as I used to"

"And you're fuckin her"

"And that" I admit and try not to smirk as I remember just how good she is at that stuff and how much better it would be in a New York hotel rather than on the floors or walls of my parents basement

"Well If you're going I'm coming too" he announces and I narrow my eyes as I turn to look at him "There's no way I'm staying here with your crazy family without you here to protect me. Your mum calls me her 'little leprechaun' and keeps wanting to show me her 'pot of gold"

He shudders and I cringe as I consider all the ways my mother has humiliated me in front of friends when she's been drunk

"You aren't coming"

"And why not?"

"Well why would you?"

"Well why wouldn't I?!"

"Niall..."

"Travis... Look, you give her orgasms, I give her cookies, there's not really any difference between us"

"Oh there's a lot of fuckin difference between us"

"She's a girl Travis, Sugar And sex are pretty much the same thing to them"

"Not sex with me"

"Well not cookies from me!"

We both kick our feet back and glare at each other

"I'm coming aren't I Travis?" He asks with hope in his eyes

"You're coming" I finally admit, my chin dropping to my chest, not knowing what Taylor will say about this latest development but pretty sure she won't be happy about it, especially since it's one week since my parents locked her in the basement and she's still there.

I sneak down whenever I can to take her food and other... pleasures and Niall apparently takes her cookies which just bought him a ticket to come with us

"We need a plan" Niall says whilst tentatively dropping more popcorn into his mouth "And disguises"

He's right and after the previous plan went so wrong we're going to have to actually use our brains this time and that could be a very, very dangerous thing

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