December 19th, 2023
Dear Diary,
I haven't done a diary entry in a very long time. Probably since middle school. And that was forever ago.
I have definitely changed from the middle school girl. I would say I have matured in some ways and became more creative with different outlets. For example, makeup. I have found ways to express myself in makeup.
But the best outlet is writing. I have been writing since the fifth grade, but my writing has changed. It is mature, focusing on heavy topics like suicide and self-harming.
Speaking of suicide and self-harming. That is why I am writing a diary entry again because I have been diagnosed with situational depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation earlier this year. And I thought maybe writing out all my thoughts would put me at ease.
Looking back myself in April of this year and now, I would say those Koras are two totally different people.
The Kora in April would just bottle everything up and put on a happy face for everyone around her. And when things became too much, she would resort to self-harming. Destructive behaviors.
The Kora now would find ways to express her feelings in the moment. She does have suicidal thoughts from time to time, but she no longer acts on those thoughts. She talks to a therapist on ways to grow to be the best version of herself.
Looking back at the Kora in April and seeing how far I have come makes me feel accomplished. I am doing things that make me happy. Not doing things to make everyone else happy while sacrificing my happiness.
I even take the time to do a little self-care when I have those low moods.
The low moods are more frequent with it being winter and the sun setting minutes before 5 o'clock in the evening. But I am doing things to take care of those low moods.
I probably should end this entry to get some sleep. Sleep is the best form of self-care for me. I get some of my best ideas from sleeping.
Anyways, I'll leave it as that.
Yours Truly,
Kora Darden
