How Can I Love You If I Can't Love Myself?

-Chapter 2-

Cody

BEEP!

BEEP!

BEEP!

"Shut up!" I yelled at my alarm clock, burying my face in my pillow. I grabbed my second pillow and threw it on top of my head, practically suffocating myself.

BEEP!

BEEP!

BEEP!

"Cody Anderson!" my dad yelled, banging on my door. "Turn that fucking thing off!"

"Sorry, sir!" I yelled back, shutting off the alarm. I rubbed my eyes, finally waking up fully. "Stupid alarm..."

I stood up and stretched my body before walking over to my closet, and pulling out the first things my hands touched. I got dressed quickly, and didn't bother to mess with my hair (which looked like a rats nest). I walked downstairs and started to make myself a piece of toast. As it popped up out of the toaster, I grabbed it quickly, pulling my fingers back as soon as it dropped on my plate.

"Yowch," I whispered, shaking my fingers off. I brought the plate of toast over to my kitchen table and started to ravage it.

My father walked in not long after to make a cup of coffee. I saw him eye me for a quick second. "Fuckin' pig..." I could hear him mutter under his breath.

Gonna have to speak softer than that, bitch, I wanted to tell at him. But I kept my mouth shut. More footsteps could be heard pounding down the stairs, and I watched as my half-sister - Heather - walked in.

"Hi, Heather!" I said with a smile.

"Good morning, Cody!" she said, ruffling my hair. She then made a gesture around her mouth before mouthing the word 'crumbs.' I nodded and brushed the crumbs off of my face. "Almost ready to go?"

I almost forgot what she was talking about until I remember the reason I had woken up so early.

It was the first day at my new school.

"Yeah, almost," I responded. I finished up eating and set my plate in the sink before going to grab my backpack. I opened my backpack to make sure I had everything, and was met by tons and tons of crumpled papers. But at least I had all my supplies! "Really need to clean this thing out..." Hah, like that would be happening anytime soon!

"Heeeaaaatherrrr!" I called, walking to the front door.

"Coooomiiiingg!" she called back. I watched as she arrived at the front door, and then we both left, getting into her car.

"So, on a scale of 1-10, how ready are you?" she asked me, starting the car.

"Uhh..." I started, not knowing how to answer. "Like a...10! Yeah, a 10!"

"That's good!" she replied, not taking her eyes off the road.

"I know you're a 10, too," I said, grinning. "'Cause you get to see your boyyyfrieeend!"

She rolled her eyes at me, but I saw a slight smile on her face.

Heather pulled into the schools parking lot, and parked the car. We both got out, and then she locked it. I walked ahead of her as we entered the school, and eventually she went off on her own. We were pretty late, so I walked to the office.

"Uh, hi, I'm new here," I told the secretary as I walked in. "Could I maybe get a map of the school?"

"Of course!" the secretary told me before scooting over to a file cabinet in her spinny chair. I tapped my fingers on the desk as I waited, a feeling of anxiety suddenly pounding onto me.

I looked around the office, taking in my surroundings. I almost jumped when I noticed another kid was in there as well. He looked ugly. I don't mean that in a rude way! He just...he had a green mohawk. I'd be surprised if he ever got a girlfriend.

He noticed me staring at him, and started to snicker. I heard him whisper "faggot" to me, and that was when I turned away from him. The anxious feeling only got worse. The secretary rolled back over to me, extending her hand which now had a sheet of paper occupying it.

"Thank you," I said with a smile, taking the paper from her. I took one more glance at the punk boy, and then rushed out of there. I shoved the map into my backpack, hearing it crinkle and crumple. I didn't care. I could feel my chest tightening and my eyes stinging, yet I had no idea why. It couldn't just be because of that one word the kid back there said.

I rushed into the bathroom, and ran straight towards the first stall. I closed and locked it, sitting down on the toilet seat. I tried my best to keep tears from running, but soon sniffles came. And that could only mean one thing. Tears!

I felt so embarrassed crying in school, even if no one was there witnessing it. After a good cry, I wiped my eyes and exited the stall. I made my way to the sinks and splashed water on my face. I sighed, staring at myself in the mirror.

God, you look disgusting, I thought, scrunching my nose as I looked into the mirror. I grabbed my backpack again, and took out the map of the school.

BRIING!

"Shit," I whispered, realizing that was the bell. I quickly ran out of the bathroom, my eyes never leaving the map in my hand. "Uhh...so my first class is right...there?" I pointed at a room on my map. "How do I get there...?"

I sighed, dropping my hands. Relax, Cody! You can do this, I thought, bringing the map back up towards my eyes. I studied it for a few more minutes, and started towards my first class. As I arrived, I could tell it had already started. I opened the door, and froze as everyone stared at me. I could feel my heart pounding again, but this time I controlled my anxiety. Shocking.

991 words!