How Can I Love You If I Can't Love Myself?

-Chapter 12-

Noah

Okay, so the party last night didn't go so well...And apparently word of what happened is already getting around.

God, this is going to be horrible for Cody.

He wasn't at school today...I really hope he's alright. First thing I did when I got home was go straight to my laptop and pull up discord.

^noah!^ Hey Cody, are you alright? I don't expect you to see this right now, but I just want to know that you're alright.

It took a little bit but, surprisingly, he responded.

♫codemeister🔥🔥🗣️ hi thx for checking up

♫codemeister🔥🔥🗣️ im doing alright

♫codemeister🔥🔥🗣️ just glad i got to miss school lol

^noah!^ Alright, I'm glad you're doing fine. Just know that I'm here for you, okay?

♫codemeister🔥🔥🗣️ nods

^noah!^ Did you just nod in a text message...

♫codemeister🔥🔥🗣️ nods

I smiled at my screen for a while. Same old Cody. How he seemed completely fine after everything that happened was a mystery to me.

Cody

I don't deserve Noah. He's amazing towards me and is always so patient. I stared at my screen a bit before turning off my PC and walking out into the kitchen to get some food.

"Why the fuck were you reported absent for all your school periods?" my fathers voice asked me as I stepped out of my room.

"I wasn't feeling well," I mumbled.

"Speak up," he said angrily.

"I wasn't feeling well!"

"Bullshit..." he mumbled, pushing me to the side so he could get to the fridge.

"You fucking speak up..." I said under my breath. I was fed up with all of his shit.

I noticed a glare from him, but I think he was just upset that I continued to mumble. He didn't hear me, I thought, relieved.

Noah

I walked out of my room and grabbed my car keys. I wanted to go to Cody's house and see how he was really doing. But a voice stopped me.

"Noah Sterecra," my mother said sternly as I grabbed my keys.

"Hey mom," I said, her stern tone going unnoticed. "What's up?"

"Care to explain why you have a C in science?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Shit- uh, shoot..." I stammered. "I-I do?" I hadn't noticed. Hell, I haven't even checked my grades all day!

"Honey, what's going on with you?" she asked me, her voice changing to one full of pity.

"What's wrong with me?" I repeated. "Nothing's wrong with me. It's still a passing grade! I'm not going to be denied a college because of a single fucking C!" I felt like I was telling myself this rather than my mom. Maybe even both.

I let myself get too distracted, and now I'm slipping. If I don't get ahold of myself soon I'll go down a dark, dark path. My grades will drop even more. Maybe I even will be denied a college...

Fuck, I'm worrying too much. It's just a C. Just a C.

A C that I let happen.

I let this happen to me. I'm letting myself fail. I'm getting too distracted. And now I'm disappointing my family, friends, teachers, everyone around me. What is wrong with me?