How Can I Love You If I Can't Love Myself?

-Chapter 16-

Noah

"So, what?" I asked Heather. "We're just gonna...break him out of his own house?"

"I...don't know," Heather said honestly, grimacing slightly at her own words. It was clear she was scared for Cody. I could only imagine what his father has done to him. "I'll first ask how long he'll be locked down there. I don't want to make things worse."

I nodded, understanding her reasoning. If we were to break him out, his dad would find out and then the consequence would just be worse.

"Well, I guess I should head home then," I said. "Please let me know how he's doing when everything's over. And thanks for telling me about all of this."

She nodded at me, and then we went our separate ways. I couldn't help but feel a bit...guilty? And thinking that only made the guilt worse.

Cody should've told me. I could've helped him. But now he's locked away by his own father.

I pulled into my driveway and walked inside. I let out a sigh of relief when I realized my mom wasn't waiting for me again. Instead, she was waiting for me in my room. Well, she wasn't exactly waiting for me.

I walked in my room to find my mom ransacking my whole room. I felt my eye twitch slightly as I looked around the disorganized, messy room. My mom didn't notice me and continued to go through drawer after drawer.

"Mom! What the hell!?" My mom stopped what she was doing and looked at me. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to find what's causing you to go downhill like this," she told me. She had a crazy, obsessive look on her face.

I sighed loudly. "Put all my stuff away. You made this mess. Clean it up."

"Oh, I'm trying to clean up this mess," she said. "The mess that I made. You." She went back to going through my drawers. She opened one drawer and froze altogether. What did I have to hide?

My mom pulled out a small flag in my drawer.

Oh, right. Forgot I had my gay flag in there...

"Give me your phone, Noah," she said sternly, putting her hand out. "Give me it now." She threw the flag to the side. She wasn't actually homophobic, was she?

"No," I said just as sternly. "I never gave you permission to do this."

"I'm your mother! I don't need permission!"

"Well you need to at least tell me beforehand! You can't go through my stuff without me knowing!"

"You know what? You're grounded. Now give me your phone."

I scoffed and chuckled. "I'm in highschool, mom. Being grounded and getting my phone taken away doesn't affect me."

"It won't right now while your phone isn't in my hand! But I will go through that phone, mister."

She walked over to me and snatched my phone from my hand before exiting the room. I slammed my door shut for extra effect once she was gone, and locked my door.

Shit, shit, shit! my mind yelled. She's going to see all my texts with Cody. She'll find out. She'll tell Cody's dad. Cody'll be in even more trouble. And all of it will be my fault!

Wow, really victimizing yourself here, Noah, another part of my mind spoke. That's one way to be an attention seeker!

The two types of thoughts in my brain went back and forth, back and forth. They won't stop. My mind won't shut up!

I walked into my bathroom and headed straight for my razor again. I needed to feel relief...

Cody

My stomach rumbled and my wrists and body ached. My dad could go to jail for this. But did I want him to? Well, sorta. But then he'll just be even more mad...

What would he do to me then?

As if he heard my thoughts, the storage room door swung open. My dad just stood there and stared at me for a bit before walking back up the stairs. I heard footsteps rushing back down so I started to back up towards the wall a bit, but it was only Heather. She rushed towards me and embraced me in a tight hug.

"Ow! Heather, gentle..." I coughed.

"Sorry, sorry!" she said, loosening her grip. She pulled away from the hug to look me in the eyes. I smile as she ruffles my hair.

She helped me up to my feet and we both walked upstairs together. She led me into the bathroom where she bandaged some wounds and cleaned them.

Heather had this guilty look on her face. I couldn't tell if it was from what happened to me or from something else. As if she was reading my mind she answered:

"Look, Cody, I know I should've kept this a secret, but I want you to know I told Noah."

"Told Noah what?" I asked. I had an idea of what she meant, but I wanted to be sure.

"About...this."

835 words- YALL THIS HAS BEEN A DRAFT FOR LIKE A WEEK OR SMTH IDEK ANYMORE😭😭 welp ummm idk what this fic is turning into but you guys seem to like it?☠️☠️ lowkey losing a bit of motivation and i just wanted to get this chapter out there lmao. i'll try and be more active :3 LOVE YOU ALL!!!<33