it's okay if it's you | ishman ✓

CH: 16

ishan didn’t want to lie to shubman.

but he knows shubman wouldn’t have let go of him if he were to be honest. understandably so, it was an impulsive decision to leave behind the game and everyone.

he closes his eyes, clenching his jaw as he recalls the phone call from last night.

“hey, ishan. i don’t want to be saying this on christmas but i thought you should hear it from me first,” vivan said.

“what’s this about?”

“i'm sorry, ishan, but the chances are slim. there’s no specific reason as to why. you know how they are.”

ishan took a deep breath. “okay.” he forced out a chuckle. “man, i really wanted to play this time.”

sympathy could be heard in vivan’s voice. “being in the squad is a great deal too.”

“you don’t have to patronize me, vivan. im not ashamed of being a substitute but i… mentally, it’s taken a toll on me, i think. it’s frustrating honestly. fuck.”

“it’s okay,” vivan sighed. “take care of yourself. ring me up if you want an appointment with your therapist.”

ishan thinks for a moment. “actually, i think im going to opt out.”

“what?” there was clear surprise in vivan’s voice. “are you sure?”

“yeah, i need a break. my mind is all over the place, i’ve been traveling with the team all year and still… well, i want to rejuvenate myself or whatever they call it.”

“you deserve a break. you’ll play the next series, right?”

ishan smiled faintly to himself. “if they let me.”

“ishan,” vivan tried to sound stern.

“okay, okay. i’ll play, stay benched, whatever they want. just let me off this once. i need my family right now.”

“i’ll tell them you’re opting out due to personal reasons, then?”

“sure. and book a flight for tomorrow morning.”

“on it. we have some good brand endorsement deals on our hands, come by when you can. goodbye.”

ishan’s father’s voice interrupts his thoughts.

“you’ve been sulking all day. go out and get some work done, kid.”

“dad, i’ll get mobbed.”

his father huffs. “the locals have seen you run around in your undies since you were five. they couldn't care less about your stardom.”

“ouch, you’re ruthless.”

“overthinking gets you nowhere,” his father says softly. “talk it out with someone, dil halka ho jayega.”

ishan fiddles with his thumbs. “are you psychic?”

“baap hoon tera, don't think you can ever fool me with your forced laughs.”

ishan shakes his head with a defeated smile. it’s good to be back.

the downside is that he misses shubman. and the guilt of hiding the truth from him doesn’t help.

he had been comforting himself with shubman's presence to divert himself from the exasperation building up on him. and to an extent, it worked. he knows it’s an… uncoventional way of stress relief to fuck around with your best friend. there are some limits that shouldn’t have been crossed. but what's done is done. not that shubman minded it, it’s all good.