it's okay if it's you | ishman ✓

CH: 17

the next time shubman sees ishan, it's at a meeting in mumbai. a week after the video call.

through that week shubman tried to act normal in his texts with ishan. he didn't attempt to call him, knowing he would end up saying something he'd regret. there were a few missed calls from ishan though. but it was easy to make an excuse of 'sorry, was in practice' or 'working out right now' or 'left phone in the room'.

it was hard to live without hearing his favourite voice but it would be harder to stop himself from asking him about what happened. ishan didn't tell him anything about his hook-up. shubman doubts he remembers it.

shubman: where are u?
ishan: just checked-in
ishan: jaldi aaja bhai
shubman: missed me?
ishan: too much :(

shubman cusses himself when he feels a blush raising in his cheeks. he reminds his heart of the wound that hasn't healed yet.

for the remaining stay in new zealand, he did everything to keep himself distracted from thoughts that could break his own heart for the hundredth time. he spent more time training with virat, joked around with the boys like always, even hung out with rachin. spending the nights alone was unnerving though, the bed felt too big for him and the silence in the room threatened to echo his thoughts. so, he asked surya if he could be his roommate.

he agreed way too easily for someone who always complained about shubman bugging him.

"i hope you're not pitying me," shubman said with a wry smile.

surya patted his back. "it's hard not to when my favourite junior is involved."

"did you just call me your favourite?"

"i meant ishan."

shubman huffed. "can you be a little sensitive please?"

surya smiled. "what, can't i even mention his name now?"

"no, i mean, yes." shubman scratched his head. "i've been texting him anyway. you have no idea how i've been holding it in."

"talking in person is always the best, be patient for a while."

shubman groaned. "i've never been this patient in my life. i like him for god's sake. how can he just play around like that-"

"shubman."

"okay, sorry." he sighed. "i just need to blame someone for my stupid heart falling for him in the first place."

"have a proper talk with him this time, alright?"

shubman nods. "you know, i haven't felt this down since my first breakup. well, it wasn't as intense with my girlfriends to start with-"

"girlfriends? damn, bro is talking in plural," siraj's voice piped up from behind which scared the shit out of shubman honestly.

"whatcha talking about, boys? why's shubman down?" he asked, taking a seat with them. shubman and surya eyed each other with concern.

"um, because ishan isn't here." surya says, to which shubman shoots him a look.

"so the usual. anyways, i just saw virat bhai..." siraj went on to talk about whatever he saw so the conversation about ishan was cut short.

coming back to the present, shubman gives himself a solid three-minute pep talk standing outside the door.

no matter how hurt he is, he absolutely cannot lash out on ishan. mostly because it will bring no good. neither of them are confrontational in nature, it will just turn into a game of avoidance.