it's okay if it's you | ishman ✓

CH: 21 [nsfw]

author’s note:

first of all, fuck bcci. ishan deserves better than you pieces of shit anyway.
—x—

ishan doesn’t like drinking alone. the last time he did was when he scored a double century against bangladesh, and he’d slept for eighteen hours straight after blacking out. following that, rishabh and siraj were convinced he went into a coma and started crying. ishan had to hear an earful from virat and rohit on the way back home.

once his body shuts off, no one can wake him up.

but right now, passing out for eighteen hours sounds like healing.

shubman is out for his ‘date’ (that ishan deliberately fixed for him) and finally, he can have the room to himself. there’s nothing peaceful about the static silence, it only echoes his thoughts that he desperately wants to get rid of.

so ishan downs glass after glass, alcohol gliding down and leaving a bitter warmth tingling on his tongue, accompanied by a subtle burn that races down his throat. he wants the temporary numbness to last forever.

“what am i even doing?” he whispers to the quiet walls.

he unbuttons his shirt half-way, feeling hot with the liquid in his system. letting out a frustrated sigh, he mumbles, “i don’t know who im hurting.”

he waits- as if expecting someone, something to give him answers.

“sucks, doesn’t it?” he says with a scoff, a humourless laugh spilling out of his lips.

“i loved him, he didn’t.” words slur slightly against his tongue.

“now he loves me, i…” he pauses, thinking what comes next. he doesn’t know. he doesn’t fucking know.

“i can’t,” he sighs.

ishan’s phone flashes with a notification of shubman’s story update. involuntarily, his hand reaches out to tap on it.

it’s a repost of sara’s story, a totally fawn-worthy picture of them smiling next to each other for people who think they are destined to get married and raise the next legend in cricket.

what a load of shit, ishan thinks.

sara, being the angel she is, was kind enough to write  “trio is incomplete without @ishankishan23! meet me soon ishu 💗”

ishan drops his phone on the bed, not keen at all to catch himself staring at shubman’s gorgeous face.

he groans, feeling his inner turmoil grow every passing minute. it would be so much easier is shubman just moved on quietly and continue with their normalcy.

cricket, parties and occasional hook-ups. ishan was fine with that. he was fine with the time he and shubman spent together on and off the field, which was more than enough.

he wants to beat the shit out of himself for letting things escalate past the first kiss. it was just a drunk accident which could have been perfectly played off as a joke and buried in the memories. but no, he just had to get caught up in the flow. he just had to help shubman figure things out. he just had to play the best friend until the word best friend lost its meaning for both of them.

look at when he ended up now.

he craves to touch shubman everyday, stay in the safe heaven he finds in him. ishan’s body, his traitorous body, can’t help but react everytime shubman teases him. he easily gets riled up, feeling hot and bothered, wanting more than just the sexual tension between them that never left.