Chapter Thirty-Three

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After school on Tuesday, I come home and immediately get dressed for the dinner with Lorenzo's family.

I don't know how they're going to react to meeting me. I don't know the details, none of my brothers like talking to me about him. I don't know what they're like, what if they're harsh. If Alessandro is anything like the father we share, and our father is like our grandparents, then I'm terrified to see what they're like. I'm extremely nervous which is the only thing I know for sure. 

Emilio said its a fancy restaurant, so I put on some stockings and a black dress with thick white stitching that comes just above my knees. For good measure, I tie my hair back with a white bow. I slide on my black Mary Janes and pearl earrings.

I'm really hoping I can fit in with my brothers. I don't want to stick out like a sore thumb.

I look in the mirror one more time. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think I'm pretty, sometimes I can't even bear to look at myself. Today, I'm in between. We have to be there by 9 and it's already 8:30 so I don't have time to try to fix it. 

I walk down the stairs warily, Elijah is standing at the foot of the stairs, wearing a crisp button-up underneath his coat, with dress pants and dress shoes.

He smiles when he sees me on the stairs, "You look beautiful," He says, pulling the tag off the back of my dress.

"Thanks," I say with a smile. 

I just hope they like me. As if reading my mind, Elijah finishes off with, "Don't worry, they'll love you."

Emilio and Francesco are talking quietly by the sofa as Sandro walks into the room buttoning his blazer sleeves. He has on a black suit similar to usual, Francesco who is usually dressed casual has on a suit with a few green accents and Emilio the same but with blue. Finally the twins come down.

Carlo has on pants and a button up, and Xander has on a black blazer over a black hoodie with dress pants and timberland boots. They all look sharp and I feel just slightly insecure about my outfit, wondering if it actually looks good. I know it does look good, but I worry whether or not it looks good to other people. To my brothers, grandparents, and uncle to be exact.

When we climb out of the car at the restaurant, I'm visibly shaking. I try to take a deep calming breath that does little to appease my nerves.

"You okay?" Carlo asks with concern once he's out of the car.

I swallow the lump in my throat and nod, now having drawn the attention of my other brothers. I begin to wonder if it's too soon for me to meet them. "What if they don't like me?"

I let myself spiral on that thought. Family is important. Family is important and if they believe its my fault their son is dead, then what reason would they have to accept me. And it's not just myself I'm thinking of, if they don't accept me, wouldn't they want my brothers to get rid of me? Why would they choose me over their grandparents they've known their entire life, the last family they have from their father. And if for some reason they do choose me, then do I expect myself to be fine with them being isolated from their own family?

I swallow hard again, clenching my fist again.

"Then fuck their opinions and leave," Francesco says, "Who gives a shit what they think."

I stare anxiously at the extremely fancy restaurant. What if I make a fool of myself? I'll walk in there and have no idea what to do. I've only been somewhere this fancy once, I went to a french restaurant with Jess's family and I felt out of place the entire time. I ordered a cheeseburger and fries and the waiter laughed at me and Jess ended up ordering me the Steak au Poivre. I didn't even know what that was! I was mortified and I couldn't even figure out exactly why. No one ostracized me for it, and I thoroughly enjoyed the dish, Jess and I order at every restaurant now, but I can't help but think they all thought a little less of me after that.

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