Their Little Princess

Chapter Sixty-Four

The car-ride back home is silent, not just because of what happened, but because I'm sitting in the back with Alessandro as the driver drives us back to the mansion. Elijah is still at the warehouse, he's been talking about some work he had to get done all week.

"How do you feel?" Sandro asks me.

It's not that I don't think he cares about me, but I didn't expect him to ask how I feel after the whole thing. I'd assumed he'd just wait for me to indicate that there's something I want to say because of the whole 'being more verbal thing'.

"Oh, um...I don't know, I feel fine."

I told Daniel I forgave him. And yet, I feel angrier toward him than I did before. I forgave him because I thought it would make me feel lighter, and I do feel lighter after finally being able to speak my mind. But I don't forgive him, because what has he ever done to give him that right? 

I didn't know whether or not my mother was forgivable at first, I was torn on whether to hate her for breaking my wings, or love her for believing I still had the strength to fly. 

Daniel has never done anything for me but break me down time and time again, right up until earlier, the first time I've seen him in months, and perhaps the last time I'll see him ever again, which for some reason, I have no doubt in my mind is the reason Elijah stayed back.

Does that make me a bad person? Knowing Daniel's life could be ended, but...Not caring? Of course, I care, but if I could stop it from happening, I wouldn't. Am I more like Daniel than I thought? Is the kind of bitter resentment Daniel felt toward me every day? The kind that elicited the kind of violence he ended up being capable of? 

Just because I'm not the one inflicting violence doesn't make it any different. I've seen what I'm capable of, I broke a boy's nose at my old school, I busted Mr. Jackson's head with a stapler, I punch Emma's nose so hard it bled. I have these moments of rage that terrify me afterward because it makes me feel like a monster.

I speak before I begin to hate myself, "Can we watch a movie tonight?" I ask.

He's busy. I know, so I don't expect him to say yes, until he responds after a moment of hesitation, "Yes."

"Really?" I ask, lighting up inside.

The driver opens his door and he climbs out, grabbing my hand to help me out as well.

"Yes. After dinner, I'll meet you in the living room and we'll watch a movie as long as you'll still wake up on time for school tomorrow."

"I will," I say, successfully hiding my excitement.

We get inside, he walks to his office, and I walk up to my room, feeling the need to change and was after seeing Daniel again.

Did I get the closure I needed? Or did I only make it worse?

.    .    .

10:30 arrives. It's been 4 hours since dinner, and I haven't seen Sandro since he went into his office. I knew deep down he wouldn't show, he's too busy. I stare at the Disney+ launch screen and I feel stupid sitting here still, waiting for him like a dog.

I sigh quietly and set the remote down on the table and walk upstairs and down the hallway. I knock on one of the doors.

"What?" Xander's voice comes from inside. 

"Can I sleep in here tonight?" I ask.

"Whatever."

As usual, the door isn't closed all the way, and I open it up, walking inside. I close it slightly and walk over to where he's moved the blanket on the Queen-sized bed. I don't know what I was expecting from his room, but I didn't expect it to be this clean.