Their Little Princess

Chapter Fifty-Four

Late that night, I awake with a start from a nightmare. Zio Dante was in it. So was Daniel. But I don't remember what is was about. 

Regardless, my chest is heaving and my heart is racing at an uncomfortable rate, my breathing gets hard to catch. I shoot into an upright sitting position as I try to calm myself down. For the past few days, my sleep has been uneasy, but the nightmares have been present. Each rest is like a dark abyss of nothing. It's just darkness until I wake up.

But this one has left me terrified, every dark corner becomes scary. I expect Daniel to walk through the door at any moment. It's irrational because I know he's dead. I saw it with my own eyes, but I don't even trust what I've seen at this point. 

I've been distancing myself from everyone. I heard Nonna and Nonno this morning, but I couldn't bring myself to go downstairs. I like Zia Cecilia, I was texting her almost everyday before, she's gorgeous, and kind, and I wonder how life could be if my own mother was that way. I envy Mateo in that sense. He grew up with a steady family. I can see from my window Elijah's car, so I assume he's back. He's been at work a lot, I don't hear him around often. Only when he brings in my food, and then comes back to make sure I've eaten it.

They'll give me my space, but they don't let me starve.

But my feet act on their own this time, it's dark outside and I'm certain it's no earlier than midnight. I walk out into the hallway, I hear the TV in the living room downstairs. I walk down the stairs and walk into the living room.

Xander is sitting back against the sofa, watching the TV, but he doesn't look like he's enjoying it or even paying attention. It doesn't even look like he's looking at the screen. I know one of his arms are wrapped in ace bandage, his left arm, from his shoulder and down his chest from the bullet wound but he has on a hoodie, none of it is showing.

I risk it, and walk over, I open my mouth to talk, but it's weird. I look for my voice, but it's no use, nothing comes out.  I haven't spoken in days, I'm certain I would have nothing good to say anyway, maybe this for the best? My mind and body looking out for me again. I tap his shoulder and he startles, his glare shooting over to me murderously and I flinch slightly.

Immediately his gaze loses the fury, and he looks regretful, he opens his mouth like he's about to say something but decides against it, he looks slightly off-guard, I guess because I haven't left my room in ages. I gesture toward the couch, asking to sit down. He shrugs, "Sure."

I sit down on the couch beside him in silence. Grateful for the company, it's odd that I feel safer when I'm with my brothers despite how much they've betrayed me. It's not trust. I know they can protect me, they have the means to especially knowing they're in the mafia despite how much I've tried not to think about. Not just that, but they seem to want to protect me. Even when I make them upset, or overturn their lives.

The Office is playing on the TV, I'm certain Carlo was watching it because I've never seen Xander watch a comedy or anything lighthearted really. I don't mind not watching a horror movie this time though, the nightmares already have me pretty shaken up and despite how much I like horror movies, I'm grateful that its something light.

I keep thinking back to that moment in the warehouse. There was a moment when I was sitting there and just for a moment, I was ready to let go. I was ready to die. Looking back at that moment, my stomach churns, it's terrifying to be ready to die at such a young age, but in that moment, nothing seemed more peaceful than to finally be done. 

Just to be done.

And a second time, but with a different feeling, when I read that note, I wanted to join my mother. Knowing what I learned after reading it, I was so certain at that moment that if I'd known she cared about me, maybe I could have brought that side out of her. Even in that moment, after everything I went through, I had this stupid hope that there was some way to save her from Daniel, to save her from the life she paved for herself because I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault.

If I'd never been born, would she have never left dad? Would my brothers have been allowed to grow up with their mother?

I know that people do horrible things when they're trying to survive, but despite everything she's done to me, I don't hate my mother. I pity her. I want to cry over the life she lived, I want to save her from it. But you can't save someone who's already dead.

I subconsciously move in closer to Xander, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to shut all the horrible thoughts out of my mind, and in the comfortable silence, I already know the thoughts aren't going anywhere.

.    .    .

Elijah's POV:

I walk down the stairs sliding my shirt on. The sun is almost all the way up, it's around 8. I hear who I'm assuming is Sandro in the kitchen. I know he's awake because I received his message this morning about the trip to Aosta for Christmas.

He's been considering bringing Maddie to Italy for a while now, but I didn't think he'd bring her right now when he's been talking about the risk it poses. We're only a few days from Christmas now, so its gonna be a time crunch getting down there.

As I walk past the living room, I see Xander on the couch, his eyes are shut and he's asleep, but his expression is tense nonetheless. But then I see Maddie's hair, and can't help the small amount of surprise as I walk into the living room.

She hasn't left her room in days. But there she is now. She's curled into a ball almost, her head resting on Xander's arm, her expression just as tense as his, they're so similar. Her arms are crossed, and she's wearing the hoodie she always wear. The Varsity hoodie she brought with her from Seattle. Her hair lays lazily over her shoulder and on his arm and he's slightly leaned onto her as well.

My younger siblings.

I sigh, despite the small smile that I can't help. She deserves to enjoy this Christmas. That's why Sandro is doing this.