Harmony Addams

The Gates of Hell

"Hawaii is wonderful, I wish you were here and I can never see you again! PS, Debbie says hi." Gomez read a postcard sent by Fester. "I don't understand. For weeks not a word and now this."

"Darling calm down, you'll wake Harmony." Morticia said. "Besides he can't be serious."

"Have I don't something? Said something? Why does my brother despise me?"

"He adores you."

"I'd do anything for him. At his request I would rip out my eyes. At his command I would crawl on my belly through hot coals and broken glass."

"Why wait?"

"Has Fester gone mad?"

"This is all just some sort of phase, post honeymoon malaise, it's very common. Do you remember our honeymoon?"

"That glorious cruise."

"No calls."

"No cares."

"No survivors."

The next day the Addams went to Fester's new mansion.

"We want to see Debbie and Fester." Morticia told the maid that opened the door.

Harmony looked at the bright home covered in flowered patterns. "Mummy, where are we?" Harmony asked as she held her hand.

"It looks familiar." Grandma spoke. "Of course the gates of Hell."

"Oh, I thought there'd be fire." Harmony said.

"Welcome to my home." Debbie said from the top of the stairs.

"Might we see my brother?" Gomez asked.

"No he doesn't want to see any of you." Debbie answered.

"Why not?" Morticia asked.

"Because he's in love. He's wrapped in a gossamer blanket of ecstasy and he hates your guts."

"But why?" Gomez asked.

"Because you flaunted yourselves, your great love affair. You kept him a child, I've made him a man." Debbie replied.

"He's had amnesia for years idiot." Harmony told her.

"Let me hear this from his own lips." Gomez demanded. "I am done with your lies."

"His lips are busy." Debbie told him.

"Go away!" Fester said from somewhere the Addams couldn't see.

"That is not my brother!" Gomez said outraged.

"You have enslaved him." Morticia spoke up. "You have placed Fester under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. But please may we see him?"

"Don't even think about it." Debbie replied.

"You have gone too far. You have married Fester, you have destroyed his spirit, you have taken him from us. All that I could forgive, but Debbie."

"What?"

"Pastels?"

"Get out of my house! Hit the road and if you ever show your faces around here again I'll have you locked up for trying to visit."

Grandma then gave Debbie a human skull.

"What are you doing?" Debbie asked.

"Just a curse. Have a nice day."

Next they went to the police.

"I demand justice!" Gomez told an officer. "Someone has married my brother, she took him to Hawaii! They have moved into a large expansive home where they make love constantly."

Harmony facepalmed herself at how her father was badly explaining things.

"Arrest her at once without delay. My brother's wife, the temptress of Waikiki. Officer, you must issue a subpoena. I believe they own A BUICK!"

"Just leave, leave quietly and leave now." The cop told them.

"Why do you sound like Timon from the Lion King?" Harmony asked.

"HAS THE PLANET GONE MAD?!" Gomez screamed. "MY BROTHER! PASSION'S HOSTAGE! I SEEK JUSTICE! DENINED!"

Harmony hid her face in her hair embarrassed by her father's outburst.

"I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams and I have seen evil!"

Grandma raised her hand with a big smile.

"I have seen horror."

Lurch waved his hand.

"I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!"

"They're at camp." Morticia explained.

"I have seen all of Hell's fire in the tiniest form!"

Harmony looked up and shrugged when no one else raised their hand. "Guess that's me."

"I have see all this officer but until today I had never seen you!"

"Can we go now?" Harmony sighed.