CUPID | ZB1 김TAERAE

CUPID [ 17 ]

[Taerae's POV]

I keep shifting positions in my bed. It has been one hour since I tried to sleep, but I just can't. I keep worrying about Yunseo,

and my feelings towards her.

All of these are wrong and I'm very aware of it. I know I was not supposed to like her, but everytime I see her, I get this feeling that I couldn't explain in words. I was wondering if this is how falling in love feels like,

because I definitely never feel this kind of way towards Haseul.

Sure, I was attracted towards Haseul before. But if you ask me how I feel about her right now, I won't say that I have feelings for her as much as I do before.

Maybe I do still like her,

or maybe I was just convincing myself to think that I still do.

"Shit, I really can't fall asleep"

I gave up on trying to sleep and decided to get up from my bed. I walked up to my study table, turning the lamp on. Grabbing a pen and a paper, I looked around to every space of the room to make sure Yunseo is not here.

If she's here and she sees what I'm going to do, I'm pretty sure she will get mad at me, and the last thing that I wanted to do was to upset her.

She can't find out about this.

Remember the gifts and notes that I used to secretly put under Haseul's desk?

It has been about a month since I started, but now I'm going to put all of it to a stop.

I don't want to pretend as Haseul's 'secret admirer' anymore. How could I be one when I'm losing feelings for her? It all feels so fake and forced and I just can't do it anymore.

So here I am, pouring my heart out through the words that I jotted down on the paper to clarify how I wanted to stop admiring Haseul. I hope she understands this.

She can't possibly get hurt by this, right? She doesn't even have any feelings for me. No, she never even see me as anything more than a friend, so there's no way this could hurt her feelings.

It all was just a one-sided love after all.

This is the only way. As long as I'm being honest with my own feelings, I will be at ease.

+++

Today, I arrived at the school before the sun even rise. I had it all planned the moment I decided to write this last letter.

I looked down to the letter in my hand. It took me a whole night to put my thoughts into the right words that I wrote down on this letter, so I couldn't possibly give up now.

I looked around the classroom, just to make sure that no one's there.

Of course no one will be here yet.