If only I had known 10 years ago
what life would be for me,
would I stand up and run?
Would I live while I'm young?
Would I try to find a way to avoid it?
Could I avoid it?
Looking back at me, happy as can be,
how could I have known so long ago?
Bleeding heart and naïve from the start.
How could I read everything so wrong?
When did everything go wrong?
But I'll sit down and write,
thinking about my life;
unable to run away
or keep the thoughts at bay.
I wish I had known many years ago,
if only to prepare me.
Or would it just scare me?
If only I had known,
if only I was shown
what I would regret in the future,
I could fix it, I could change it
before it changed me.
Imagine the person I would now be.
But, as I am,
I can't understand
why I stayed so quiet?
Why I never defied anyone?
I'd like to scream at young past me,
"Wake up and you'll see, you're not fine.
You haven't been fine in a very long time."
But wishing I had known 10 years ago
what life would be for me
only serves to make me
feel so damn guilty
for screwing over past me.
I'm so very sorry.
The question, "If I had known so very long ago..?"
is unanswerable and it only causes trouble.
You did your best, feel your heart beat in your chest.
Your life doesn't have to be perfect.
You are still worth it.
You're alive and you've stayed alive,
even when it was hard
and even against your own will sometimes.
You stayed alive,
and that's enough for today.
YOU ARE READING
The Things We Don't Talk About
Poetry***Trigger Warning: Mental health, mental illness, eating disorders, suicidal ideation, self-harm*** A collection of poems delving into the dark side of the human experience. From high highs to low lows, emotion can be intense. And this collection s...
