if you get insanely depressed and stressed which in turn ruins your entire motivation to write, it's logical to make a nonsensical crackfic. yeah
"wow caine it's so cool that we've gotten Digital Married™ to eachother." pomni said as they held hands (guys it's ok theyre marrried) and bubble ate their flower bouquet.
"VERY COOL AND EPIC INDEED!!!!" caine replied capslockingly. "WHAT A JOYOUS DAY!!!!!!!"
"but like what do we do now." bubble was now throwing up the flowers as pomni said this
"WELL OBVIOUSLY THE MOST LOGICAL THING TO DO IS GO ON A VACATION BUT SADLY I AM BANNED FROM 99% OF DIGITAL EUROPE™ FOR DIGITAL WAR CRIMES™™"
pomni was bamboozled. perhaps a side effect of sanding off her Iconic Unicorn Horn™
"well what's the 1%?"
long pause.
dial up tone sfx
"caine??"
"caine what's the 1%."
"my beautiful princess with a disorder."
"answer me"
and so, caine answered her with
"DIGITAL SWITZERLAND. TRADEMARK SIGN."
"k"
so then the Digital Airport™ fell out of the sky conveniently and happened to fall directly on jax.
no one gave a shit bc no one likes jax praise the lord above :pray:
"damn good riddance. fuck that twink fr."
so pomni and caine went into the airport and got on the Digital Plane™ or something
"wow that was surprisingly easy to do minus that your bigass wedding dress kept getting in the way of the Digital Metal Detectors™ caine."
"POMNI YOU DUMB BITCH WE'RE BOTH WEARING DRESSES."
"oh yeah"
then thte intercom turned on
"HELLO EVERYBODY my name is markiplier BENDY from INK MACHINE and i am your pilot today."
"omg bendy from ink machine"
"YES taht is me." bendy confirmed.
"the dark revival retcons were stupid"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP ok ANYWAYS WELCOME TO Digital Airlines™ WE are flying straight to Digital Switzerland™™ TODAY"
"yeah no shit"
pomni did have a point. why else would they be on a Digital Airplane™™™ ?
"you are my Digital 13th Reason WhyOKAY WE ARE FLYING THIS DIGITAL PLANE NOW GET IN YOUR FUCKING DIGITAL SEAT™™™™"
so everyone got into their digital seats.
"damn i hope they dont know i dont have a Digital Pilot's License™™™™™" bendy whispered secretly.
it wasn't very secret actually lmao the entire plane could hear him but they didn't give a shit
"I CANNOT WAIT TO VIEW THE DIGITAL LAKE GENEVA! I HEAR THE WATER IS SUPERB" caine said as they sat down in the Digital Aisle™™™™™™
"yeah it's the best"
"OH MY GOD!!!! TYLER BAUDELAIRE??? HIT PERSONA OF TYLER THE CREATOR AS FEATURED IN HIT 2021 ALBUM CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST?????"
it was indeed tyler baudelaire, hit persona of tyler the creator as featured in hit 2021 album "CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST".
"yea"
somehow they were already in the digital air so the flight attendant was going down the aisle with the food cart thingy whatever the fuck its called idc
"hiiiii would you three like any refreshments :)" (how the fuck she verbalized that emoji idk)
"oh my god dude i am SO fucking hungry"
if it wasn't obvious, that was a yes from sir baudelaire. "can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the brown sugar salmon"
long pause. (for the dramatics!)
"oooh i'm SO sorry sir we do NOT have the brown sugar salmon on our menu :("
the brown sugared salmon, as it turns out, was on the menu.
dumb bitch.
"i am not doig this shit again"
tyler the something or another proceeded to break the Digital Airplane Window with his fist and parachuted out of there with a Digital Picnic Blanket (always make sure to pack those in the back bc you never know what'll happen)
...
"WELL CAN I AT LEAST GET AN ICE COLD GLASS OF DIGITAL GENEVA WATER™™™™™™™"
they had the digital geneva water on the menu (for real this time).
caine was satisfied. this is all he wanted to go to Digital Switzerland for.
"AHHH. BUT WAIT SHOULDNT WE BE A BIT MORE CONCERNED FOR SIR BAAUDLELAR (im not typing this anymore)"
"no he's fine i think this happened in the WOLF trilogy"
pomni was probably kind of right about that. something else that maybe happened in the WOLF trilogy was the ENTIRE DIGITAL PLANE CATCHING ON FIRE??????????
"ooh damn we got a little bit of Digital Turbulence™™™™™™™™ up in this Digital Atmosphere™™™™™™™™™ my Digital Folks™™™™™™™™™™"
bendy was then trampled to death by The Golem for using too many trademark symbols.
"DAMN YOU JEANINE FROM HIT CONCEPT ALBUM 'BURN PYGMALION!!! A BETTER GUIDE TO ROMANCE' BY LIZ LEHMAN THE SCARY JOKES!!!!!!!! STOP SETTING SHIT ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!"
jeanine had dissolved out of thin air. lesbians can just do that. source trust me.
caine threw some of his geneva water at the fire and for some reason the entire plane was like not on fire anymore idk
"AMAZING! GENEVA WATER REALLY CAN DO WONDERS!!"
so caine drank the remainder of his Digital Geneva water.
...
"...HUH. ACTUALLY, IT'S SOMEWHAT DECENT AT BEST."
it wasn't somewhat decent enough apparently, because the plane crashed and exploded.
the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
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🦷🃏tadc oneshots🎪❤️
General Fictionjust a collection of theory/headcanon based oneshots i crossposted from my ao3 account. i also talk about random things related to the show and characters DISCLAIMER: up until "it'll render us so precarious", a lot of this is pre-pilot! things may b...
