𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙍𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝘾𝙖𝙥𝙞𝙩𝙤𝙡, 𝙁𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙊𝙙𝙖𝙞𝙧

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 23: 𝒦𝓃𝒾𝓋𝑒𝓈 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒹𝑜 𝐸𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔

There are not many things Raven has control over in her life: 

Her clothes. 

Her personality. 

Her words. 

Her presence.  

        But one thing one may imagine she would have control over is her thoughts. She may not be able to voice them, but thoughts are the one thing protected in your mind from the public to read and interpret in their own twisted ways.  

        Yet Raven can't protect her thoughts from even herself. 

        She can't keep them under control as they cause her heartaches and headaches. Confusion and sorrow. Pain and suffering. Depression and anxiety. They swirl and swim and bang inside her head until all that's left is a bruised mind and a broken soul- 

        Raven wrote that down in her poetry notebook before slamming close. Normally, writing is enough to gather her thoughts so she doesn't have to control them by other means. But today that isn't enough. Even the clunking noise of knives into the wooden cabinets in the room aren't enough. Her eyes are rimmed red as she breaks down into smaller shards of emptiness and her mind goes haywire more.  

        Raven groans in pure frustration and nothing else. She stands up with purpose, grabbing the knife lodged into the cabinet. She isn't sure how much longer she can control herself before she does something that she'll regret entirely. Raven slides onto the floor, wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a half sleeved shirt, and holding her small throwing knife in her right hand, tracing it with her fingers. She prays the cold sensation of the knife is enough to bring her mind to the center. Yet, the thought of wanting peace only further provokes her unsteady breathing and crying. 

        In a moment of impulse, the knife in her hand slices it through her outer thigh, and she covers her mouth immediately, muffling her screams. Regret is the last thing that registers on her mind. This is a standard practice when all else fails. It's been weeks since she's had to resort to such measures. Raven falls onto her back, as she does it again, waiting for the rush of peace as her thoughts sort out from the reminder from outside stimuli. She breathes out clearly, suddenly laughing as tears fall out of her eyes. 

        I've really done it this time... 

.·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·.

By the time Finnick enters Raven's room and they are out on the balcony, Raven is changed into black sweatpants and her hair is in a loose bun. The air is slightly cool, but Raven can't enjoy it as she forgot how sore your leg becomes after, and mentally drained you become from the guilt of it all. 

     She does her best to hide the winces of pain she feels every time her sweatpants brush the fresh cuts on her leg. Raven rests her forearms on the railing of the balcony, waiting in a comfortable silence for Finnick to speak.  

    "You've seriously not have friends?" He incredulously asks, turning his head in the little girl's direction. 

     Raven rolls her eyes. "Of course I have," she answers, almost offended at the question. "How does the one and only Finnick Odair not have friends?" Raven sarcastically asks. 

    "I do, just none who relate with me." 

     Raven shifts her body to Finnick, feeling exasperated and more tired than ever before. "What questions do you have, Odair?" 

     He shrugs, not really sure. "You're the one who said they need to get comfortable," he jokes, almost making it seem as if she's dramatic, which she takes high offense to. 

      "Well, what do friends talk about? Their parents, school, siblings, love life?" 

      Finnick slightly freezes up at the last phrase, chuckling when she finishes. "How's your brother?" 

      It's an innocent enough question, but it has so many more layers than it should. "He's...." 

       "You're supposed to be honest, remember-" he interjects, laughing to himself at the end. 

        Raven wonders how one can find themselves so amusing, and finds it endearing but decides not to gas up an already prideful person. "He's fine. He relies on the company of women to keep him sane," she says in a pitiful tone at the end.

        Raven notices the ever so slight hesitation from Finnick at her last sentence. She squints her eyes, trying to observe his reaction as the boy closes his eyes and inhales in a deep breath. He opens his eyes again, plastering on a smile. "Shame." 

        "It's cold," Raven comments, wrapping her arms around herself. "Let's head inside," she says. 

        Finnick opens the sliding door for Raven, and enters soon after her. They both sit on the edge of her bed and continue making basic small talk with the most boring questions. Yet despite the childish questions, Raven and Finnick find themselves enjoying the occasional banter and simple communication.  

        What's your favorite color? 

        What do you do for fun? 

        What's your favorite memory with your family? 

        "It's getting late," Raven notices the time. It's 11:00 PM. How is it possible that four hours have already passed? 

        Finnick rubs his eyes, standing up. "I should get going then. You probably have a lot to do with your tributes this year." 

        "Goodnight, Finnick." Raven surprises Finnick as he's leaving, expecting more hostility from the closed off girl. 

        With a smile on his face, he too says: "Goodnight." He turns around, walking out of the District 6 room with rigid steps, and a faltering smile that Raven can sense. 

        Raven goes back into the bathroom, wrapping gauze around her thigh so it will stop brushing against the fabric of her sweatpants. While she is finishing the job, her mind keeps on lingering on two things: Her conversation with Finnick and his uncomfortable reactions. Of course, he naturally would be traumatized by a few topics, yet she has a feeling something sinister is behind Finnick's worries, and she finds herself upset at the idea of her friend suffering. Enough victors are already facing pain. Raven can handle herself feeling the pain of the Capitol, but not her friends and family. 

.·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·.

Raven didn't expect she would be giving up sleep just to figure out what Finnick is so distraught about, but here she is: Outside his room. After a very tired Avox lets her in, she is stealthily going across the walls. If Finnick truly is just sleeping, she will feel very embarrassed at herself for interfering with his business, and becoming so involved with it. 

        She holds her knife over her shoulder, preparing for any uncomfortable encounters. What she hears haunts her ears, and is the last thing she expected Finnick Odair to be saying. 

         "Please... I've given you what you wanted. Leave!" It barely sounds like Finnick. His tone is pleading for mercy from whoever is in the room with him. He whimpers, tears evident in his voice as she hears a creaking sound. She hears a muffled screech from the Golden Boy, and covers her mouth in shock. 

        "I don't pay you to speak," a woman who sounds to be in her 40s spits out. The whimpering and crying ceases, and the room is dead silent. "Good boy," the woman cackles. The creaking sound resumes and as she hears the groans from the woman and sounds of pain from Finnick, she realizes what Finnick was so troubled with earlier. 

         Finnick is complete property of the Capitol- and if she does anything to stop it, he'll have no family. The thought is enough for her to leave the room and go back into hers, shaking and crying in fear and anger for herself and Finnick.